thoughts on my personal civil war

today i woke up after having a horrible dream and i thought about Him. i showered and changed and left for work and i thought about Him. part of my body just melts when He is the thought of the moment. it feels more at peace and more happiness than i’ve known in a while. this other part of me is scared. what if He leaves? what if He leaves soon? what if i am just not what He wants anymore? i mean He told me upfront He has a tendency to lose interest in things and people easily and the reasons why. part of Him assures me that hasn’t happened yet and part of me is comforted by that. the rest of me is waiting to war with the rest of Him and that’s not at all what i want.

i want Him to make me come to Him, to dress as He wishes, sit at His feet and entertain Him. i want to feel His hand absentmindedly playing in my hair and caressing my cheek as He tells me whatever He deems fit for me to know. i want to feel that luscious warmth that comes from being in His possession. i want us to be perfectly “normal” for a few moments before He reclaims me. it would be lovely to feel His teeth bite into my shoulder and neck roughly. it’s amazing the sensation that triggers in the brain. tiny little rays of pleasure mix with the pain and it is an intense little high. it would be so nice to be gifted with the forceful kisses that force all other thought from my brain but how does His tongue make me so completely His?

He has no idea how badly i want to feel His breath on my back as He tightens my wrists into the cuffs. to feel Him graze my legs as He does the same with my ankles. to disappear into happy oblivion as the gag is inserted and my eyes blocked from all sight. i want to trust that He will push me and tease me and that i will please Him because i do not break and beg for Him to stop. i want to feel Him enter and abuse each orifice i possess with a fistful of my hair in His hand that He uses to constantly draw me back to Him and fuck me harder until i have no choice but to crumple on the bed sated as He feeds me one last serving of Himself deeply down my throat. i want every inch of my body to know that it belongs solely to Him and for Him to be the only thought on my mind until He gently brings me out of that place and allows me to again be His darling pet at His feet.

yeah that’s what me and the part of myself that adores Him without question is desperate for and what the other part of myself is secretly praying for so that she can rest and merge with the rest of me.

5 thoughts on “thoughts on my personal civil war”

  1. must have been something in the air last night, because I had a nightmare too, very unusual for me… dreamt that I was being crushed and drowned by a giant anaconda šŸ™ There are definite drawbacks to having such an active imagination!

  2. taylor whatever that was needs to go away and stay away, didn’t dig it at all. i dreamt that i burned my face with this stupid face cream that was accidently turned acidic. and you are right about the imagination thing just too much sometimes.

    Master Enigma thanks for your kind words. i figured it was easier to express the longing than bottle it all up over another long day.

  3. great – now who’s teasing who? lol.
    love the writing darl. you certainly have a way wih words.
    gonna have to agree about the nightmares = was lost in a forest cept the trees where all my ex boyfriends and their exgirlfriends and all i could hear was a baby crying… very Labrynth

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