horrible dream (or my future?) & some other stuff

i was woken up out of a sound sleep last night because i was in horrible pain. my stomach was cramping in the worst way but i knew it would pass if i could wait it out. this has happened enough to know the general procedure if that makes sense. as i went back to sleep i was hoping to fall asleep quickly because i had tons of things to do today. well i fell asleep quickly and i’m almost sad i did. the first thing i remember from the dream i haven’t been able to shake all day is being in a home that wasn’t mine. and not mine in the sense that it’s not the one i am living in now but it wasn’t my place. i knew the house well but it clearly wasn’t MY home. there was a woman that was ill in the house. i hadn’t seen her but i knew of her and people close to her where there. it felt as though she was dying but no one would say it outloud. people looked at me, some quietly smiling others seeming somewhat hostile but most indifferent to my presence. a small boy ran up to me and asked to be picked up. he looked oddly familiar but it was clear as well that he wasn’t my son. he asked where i had been and where his daddy was and before i could do more than smile that he was holding my face, Emperor appeared and said, “Daddy is here son. Climb off of red and go check on mommy and grandma.” he said okay and tore up a staircase. Emperor grabbed my lower back and guided me into a study. He closed the door behind us and yanked my skirt up on my hips. His hand focused on my throat then and begin squeezing tighter as He let His fingers probe my pussy for a while. He let go and before i could take a deep breath, He flung me over the desk, tore open a condom and put it on before He began pummeling my pussy with His dick. “Do not make a sound or I will make you scream later,” came rushing over to my ears as He grabbed my hair and just kept pulling my neck back towards Him. “you know I hate waiting for you to get here and you know I need you here with me more often than not. he needs you and I need you and no matter how much she may dislike the knowledge of your existence if you weren’t here there would be a world of other issues. when I’m done take five minutes and clean yourself up in My washroom then join us in the bedroom.” He growled and then bit into my shoulder. His fingers roughly tugged on my nipples and then as if nothing was happening to make this anything but a normal fuck between us, He unleashed a torrent of nut into the plastic, withdrew from me and removed the condom before walking out. okay i know you are wondering what’s the big deal but really i’m in a house getting fucked by my Dom when the mother of His child is upstairs dying. that ain’t quite standard on the hit parade.

i did as He asked and was surprised to see everything i needed in the small washroom attached to His study. when i got to the bedroom, He had not made it yet or was off doing something else. the woman in bed was clearly dying. her mother was with her and trying to not cry. the little boy was aware mommy was ill but was too young to understand what was really happening. Emperor came in and moved over to the woman who i am assuming to be His wife. His son was excited to see me again and began telling me about what he had been doing since i saw him last and asking me a litany of questions about what i was going to do that day. my mouth seemed on autopilot as i told him that i would be there with him for the rest of the day and maybe that night too. Emperor seemed relieved and the woman tried to smile at me but it was clear she knew who i was to Emperor and while she was grateful someone was taking care of her child she was much less grateful that someone was taking care of her husband. i took His son to another room to color and play and tried to make sense of the situation even though it was apparent i had been doing this for quite a while. i rocked the boy to sleep eventually and was nodding off myself when Emperor came to get me. for a moment it seemed like He was just waking me so that we could go to bed but then it all returned to me that it wasn’t my house and He wasn’t mine in the largest sense of the word. we put His son in his crib and stood as Emperor stroked my hair and i let my head rest on His shoulder. i woke up then quite confused. part of this of couse plays into my fears that He is going to decide soon that His affection lies elsewhere but to have that so greatly mapped out just seems odd. i had appointments all day so i wasn’t able to even sit down and process that. i doubt i will tell Him about this because i am sure it will be just entirely too awkward. oh well that is it for the dream.

in general life is good. i am happily looking forward to my birthday and starting life as a former 20 year old. i enjoy what is good in my life and appreciate that what is bad is there because it has to be for the moment. i appreciate all the faces of submission that the subverse has allowed me to see as i search for my own place in it. i appreciate that men other than Emperor make a point to tell me i am attractive and desirable. i appreciate my accumulated sisters for the strength they give me when i need it most and for the giggles they let me provide for them when they need it most. pray for those you know that need it (if you pray that is) and ask for blessings for those that you find near and dear to your heart so that they may remain there as long as they can. i think there was some other stuff i wanted to talk about but i’m sleepy so i don’t remember lol. bye bye for now

red

ETA: i remember what i meant to add before. dreams like this fall into my prophetic dream category. as abnormal and unexpected as the dreams are they tap into something i am not supposed to be privy to at the moment. that He might leave and realize later that He needed me is so not beyond the realm of possibility. it’s happened with nearly everyone else i’ve dated so again that wouldn’t surprise me. that i would allow Him to use me in such a manner isn’t without merit either. taking care of Him and a little Him would give me immense pleasure. every now and then i might even forget that i was intruding on that woman’s life with Him because i was too weak to do otherwise (and i have to say it would just be a weakness for me, maintaining and loving Him despite the barriers wouldn’t work for me because i am too impatient and too demanding to handle it. i would have to be intruding on her life because i couldn’t take the bits of him. i can respect all that do and can handle that and i think two folks in particular are lucky to have found one another lol but i am entirely too selfish in a way and would just as well mess her life up as my own)1. that it would have to be an incredibly extreme situation for Him to consider cheating on His wife is very much the case. Him caring about me wouldn’t be enough and not because He is just so noble the thought wouldn’t cross His mind. He has His reasons and i just don’t dwell on it because He hasn’t proposed to me lol.

all of that made me think about my life in a strange way. who am i really? i mean i know what i do and how i help when i help people. i know that i hate being up in the mornings and i go from having no sex drive whatsoever to hypersexual for days and weeks on end. i know that i love to read and that i try to do good for others when possible. i know that i miss my father and while i complain about her i love my mother as well. but what does all of that make me? i am this accumulation of things and traits but none of them tap into this vein that runs through me that allows me to even consider that dream as my potential future. i am a submissive woman. i love serving and trying to please Emperor. without this component of myself none of the other accumulated things will ever be as important to me again. i need it and i want it and yes it makes me happy. so i will keep plodding along in all of this and hope it all makes sense soon.
toodles~red