These are my confessions

I normally hate bullet posts.  They feel lazy to me most days but my thoughts are all over the place yet again so it seems easier to do that and edit them as I write than try to tie together twelve tiny paragraphs.

• I am an introverted slightly confusing attention whore.  I don’t want the traditional above board multiple men lusting after me.  That always feels awkward and god knows I’m awkward enough without anything else adding to it.  But if you want me I need to have that reinforced on a semi regular basis or you become a distant idea not a current in play option.  Ideas are lovely but I am of the forgetting nice idea clan more often than not.  I like being seduced mentally over and over again.
• I am not a switch and I am not a slave….except if you can, and I’ll admit very few can, push me over that cliff of sexual desire into that place where I am just a primal nerve center reacting to your whims and wants.  If I am looking up from that cliff than you will find me a most pliable most agreeable most slavelike creature who is living solely to be the conduit of your pleasure.  This was pointed out to me after one of my horny moments exploded with what is normally kept locked away in my too nasty for words box.
• I have yet to develop the skill set that says the right boy is the one that makes you feel x instead of y.  Part of why I have been unattached as long as I have been is because the people I have the most visceral reactions to are very rarely the men that I should be with.  Those that manage to penetrate my initial layer of protection still have to bypass my wave of doubt and repeatedly stake claim to parts of my psyche before I can finally willingly submit.
• While I seriously doubt I will ever engage with two Doms simultaneously as I continue to serve there are days when it seems like it would be so much easier than trying to make any one Dom the center of all my confusion.  Maybe together they could manage my lust, my eagerness to learn, to be pushed, to be humiliated, to be degraded, to be hurt, to be blissful in my exhaustion.  But yeah this is a non starter for any Dom I find remotely intriguing so it will probably get tucked away into my too nasty for words box.
• I know why my grandmother kept trying to take my Black card.  I tend to cook and be more partial to Mexican and Asian flavors than anything that would be deemed soul food.  There’s nothing wrong with soul food but it’s just not my go to food.
• The fucking machine is like the best fucking invention in the world lol.  Ok maybe not but those things woosah, helps keep the too nasty for words box from spilling over.
• I crave touch.  Sex is good but see the point above this one.  My body remembers the imprints of fingers, the pressure, the placement and the warmth.  While I may miss someone’s face and smile and general presence, my body hungers for the trace of fingertips.
• I’m pretty sure I’m a well contained mess.

That’s it for now.