This week, I thought I’d be more productive but our systems at worked crashed and we’ve been playing catch up instead of me enjoying a brief respite because all of my projects were done. I’ve slept as late as my bladder would let me and will likely rebook my hotel rooms with my niece cause they are cheaper than when I originally reserved them so why the fuck not. It’s not a ton but with the dollar being trash against most currencies right now every little bit helps. I may upgrade our flights but want to talk with her about different arrival times first. Better seats but we’d lose some time in our destination and coming home would be late as hell right now. She’s just excited to go so she may not care but auntie cares.
Honestly, I’m just tired. Too many moving parts and not enough self-care happening at the moment. I still need to find a new massage therapist and I keep vacillating between tie me up, piss on me, make me hurt and then fuck me into a stupor on one hand and these can’t be the men I’m expected to want on the other hand. Cause really some of you are effectively awful. I told my ex that I woke up the other day desperately wanting to be fisted. Then I had breakfast and was over that almost immediately. So maybe I was just hungry. I don’t know. I also know that my desire to actually meet someone is in the toilet so maybe the first hand is just the result of a fever dream.
I canceled one vacation cause I just didn’t feel the let’s be mobile energy. I can’t figure out where I want to be instead. However, because I’m me and booked everything with cancellation protection I wasn’t out any money and have a flight credit to use for this pending vacation. I do get to go on something cool with the aforementioned niece so excited about that but also the world is killing me slowly. I love that people are standing in the gap for more of us because fighting as a Black woman is constant and exhausting. Just wish that at my big age that these fights were not necessary. I miss waking up with someone who could read my energy levels and run me through my paces to center myself. An untethered submissive can be dangerous if there’s too much energy floating around and that’s where I feel like I am right now. Like I’m antsy but exhausted and really just need to be corrected. Ahh well, at least the cheesy sliced baked potatoes that I put in the oven have the house smelling lovely. Take care of yourselves.