I will have to come back to the title. It’s been pressing on me that I needed to post something soon. Not sure why but it’s been on my mind. I think my last few posts were definitely stress induced–I may have mentioned that then but who knows. Living in a pandemic is whole lot. Living and working in a pandemic is a whole lot. Living, working and taking care of other people during a pandemic is just a monumentally bad idea if there is no one there to help take care of you too. I haven’t had access to any of the things that would help me recharge over the last it feels like eighteen months but I know it hasn’t quite been that long. My solo vacation–cancelled. My study abroad trip–cancelled. My eating myself full and sleepy on vacation–cancelled. Even the gym because I have not been trusting of my fellow man as of late–cancelled. The only thing I’ve done that I’m excited about is go forward with building a new house. That won’t be ready until later this year and I still need to sell the one we are in and not lose a ton of money on it. Which I am terrified about if my dreams are any indication. But things always work out the way they are supposed to in the end.
My cilantro plants showed me that. I was getting ready to restart them because they were looking a little wimpy and unable to support themselves. Then I got busy for like a week or so and before I knew it they started sprouting back up from their prone position and are doing better than the basil which has now joined them in the top heavy movement. Mom’s slow growing Tiny Tim tomatoes have now started bursting into shiny red ripe relief and she’s tickled. I forgot how much I loved growing things. I’ve only used a little cilantro and she’s had a few tomatoes but I’m thinking I may want either a larger indoor or outdoor garden when we move. I kind of want some cucumbers and potatoes and onions too. Those probably won’t do as well in the hydroponic garden unless I get some baby ones like the tomatoes. Watching things grow is giving me my only real outlet this year and it’s taking some time to figure out that process. I just had a dumb realization that you don’t need to know about right now but it may make things a bit easier on the growing front lol.
Ah I know what prompted me to write this now. Just took me a minute. I have heard songs on the radio and read a few things over the last few weeks that made me reflect on my former dominant partners. Even though I don’t reach out to GN often, he always responds and usually makes me feel better. I’ve checked on Mr. Wolf a few times when I felt like something was wrong. It’s brief but at least reassures whatever spidey sense was happening. I’ve reached out to Dutch once or twice. It’s kinda gone nowhere but that’s okay too. I’ve been letting things go, really letting them go, for the last few months. I’m not sure what is coming up soon, next or what but I wish that whatever is I hope it’s good and fun and soon.