I am always debating whether or not it’s time to let this site go dark. I don’t mind sharing my thoughts but my thoughts on D/s are inconsistent at best. Mostly because life itself is so overwhelming. Pandemic, work, sick parent, and taking care of myself all push me out of a submissive headspace. Add into that there’s no one trying to pull me back in, especially after leaving Fetlife, then it’s kinda of like what is this space for. As the election was drawing out I remembered that the Dutchman said he would have to hurt me to get me over my shock and fear of what had happened in 2016. When 2020 initially looked like it would repeat that horror, there was no such promise because there was no Dutchman. I mean he exists. He’s just not with me. I’m getting ready to finish another semester in Dutch and sign up for the second class of second year Dutch which is kinda great but I need people to practice with that are close to my age. I was the oldest one last year but there were only a few of us and I had a good connection with my instructor which helped. We shared a lot of content related to class but that was from other sources. I’ve gone off track, there’s no Dutchman for me.
And I’m only horny randomly which is awkward at best. When I’m connected to someone I’m more sexual in general but outside of a few dreams and some stress relief sessions it’s kinda boring around here on that front. I miss it but not sure I’m holding my breath for the next person that lights my proverbial fire.