train of thought

the world we live in is so complicated some times. i entered the lifestyle probably with some delusions about it’s increased stability for my own life. i mean the nice vanilla boys couldn’t hurt and love me so already there was a step ahead just by finding a man that understood those needs. but i wasn’t paying attention to the initial message i got that hey this is just like the world you are leaving EXCEPT there is better understanding. my lifestyle relationships well lol for those have been here the whole while you know the first crashed and burned hard. from a lovely visit to please don’t talk to me again over the course of a week. the second one seems much more in line with who i am and what i want but well He’s gone with no definite return plan. many of you have told me to cut Him loose at this stage but that seems so unfair considering none of this was His plan or fault. having said that though at some point i think if i don’t hear from Him it will just be too late. not sure if i’m there yet but it’s probably coming. there are other people out there i know that too. the thing is i’m not really interested in seeking them out. i have good friends who care about me and they are keeping my spirits up.

one in particular has been there so long i can’t even tell you when we met. he’s been goofy when i needed goofy, sweet when i needed sweet and a huge ego boost when i needed that too. we listen to a lot of the same music so we have debates about that all the time among other things. i didn’t realize how much i missed arguing with folks so thanks ROFLMAO. i feel bad for not mentioning him more directly in all this time because he really has been a great friend and source of comfort. i try to return the support but he’s more hardheaded than me and doesn’t listen as much. he’s left a few comments here and there over the last few months but normally just sends me an email to chastise or harass me lol. anyhoo Mr. Good Nyhte thanks for being in my life, it has meant more than i can say.

occurs to me that i wasn’t finished babbling lol. i updated the cast list to include GN. nothing major but hey it makes it easier to track everyone. i’m a little tired today and i’m hoping to hook up with someone today to finish a project i’ve been working on. not sure when or if that is gonna happen but if it goes well i’ll let ya know. if it doesn’t then hey i might want to lick my wounds in private and stuff. i’m gonna finish watching hoodwinked. talk to y’all later.

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