i very rarely fall asleep before midnight these days. it’s foreign to me really. not that i shouldn’t go to bed but i just usually don’t. last night was one of those pre midnight evenings. i dreamt about nothing. i heard no distractions. i am sure my body intensely called out to Emperor because i was horny as a toad (bat from hell, billy goat–take your pick) before i fell into slumber. but still no dreams.
i woke up wonderfully relaxed and didn’t even curse at the man that interrupted my sleep looking for the wrong person. i enjoyed flirting with the nice man that makes me smile when i woke up (a friend who i’ve been flirting with at least five years at this point but whom i have no worries about sleeping with). i watched r. kelly’s trapped in the closet dvd (chapters 1-12) which was just entirely too funny. i should have went to pick it up when it came out on tuesday but who knew they would be damn near out of them by friday. i had to damn near beat the man to get the thing because there appeared to be one left in the entire store. ahh but it was too funny. i know he has issues, he might even go to jail because of them but dear lord it was funny.
now i’m watching the thomas crown affair and eating white chocolate almond bark. the two of them remind me of men and myself. this constant struggle for dominance in a situation where it’s really not necessary. maybe that’s part of the issue with Emperor, i want to let go and let Him handle things but i don’t have the last bit of motivation to get there. i need Him for that and He is wondering why i fight Him so much. ahh well i won’t ponder it so deeply. we spoke briefly yesterday and things were okay. i’m looking forward to see Him again. but until then, sleep will be good and i will behave and He will be my focus so that i can work on getting my mind together about Him and this and whatever lol. but seriously the funk has beyond lifted and red has returned.