.:Tuesday, May 01, 2007:.

-400 pages or how to make a battalion smile-

it has seemed like forever since i talked to Him longer than a few minutes. it always seems like forever though so that's not a completely accurate characterization of what is going on. anyhoo, this morning when i logged on to my yahoo account i had series of messages full of kisses from Him. we had missed each other while i was tossing and turning before settling down to dream about Him. i had time to kill that morning so i hoped i'd be able to talk to Him then but nope lol. instead i worked on a presentation i needed to give over the lunch hour. He logged on right before i had to go, lol of course, but i had to be a good professional so i went and did the presentation and was glad that it went well. luckily for me though we got another two hours alone, well sorta alone lol, to chat and be silly and make fun of our friends. i mentioned something about a red bottom which made Him smile hard apparently. one of His instructors asked why He was smiling and i tried to be polite about it but the man was nosy so i said just tell the man that i reminded You of the story where the nice man gets a blow job under water. if you were wondering how to make a battalion smile just have someone you love repeat that out loud and see what happens. if i wasn't feeling good after that presentation i was definitely feeling good after that bit of information was relayed to me. okay not everyone was smiling. pillar did not appreciate that reference at all. he and night owl don't read the smut because the characters sound too much like the two of us and that just makes them get massive headaches. that's funny to me and Him but not so much to them so it's not something we discuss lol.

so i covered the battalion thing. i'm sure you are wondering that the page count is about. the blog has passed 400 posts a while back. this is number 446 i think. 400 pages is the ongoing electronic journal of sorts that i have been keeping of our conversations since He left. i said before i would be okay until we hit 1000 pages and i do still stand by that but i'd adore the world at large if He was able to get home before we hit 500. i won't hold my breath but i will keep some part of my body crossed just in case.

okay i'm going to see what mommy is stirring up for dinner. we had the best fajitas from this frozen bag yesterday, very chili's like, and ended up destroying the bag so i got some more today at the store along with the chicken variety the company makes. either way, good eats tonight and a nice long conversation with my Daddy today. a girl is awfully happy.

see ya

Labels: life is good, sappy, silly

Posted By red velvet at 5:14 PM

2 comments

.:Tuesday, April 10, 2007:.

-my everloving candy-

okay it's been a great 24 hours i promise. late last night, well late for me, it was probably the middle of the day wherever my lovely Roaming Soldier is, i got a ding that makes me smile. He asked me if i knew how much He loved me. Of course i do but it's always nice to hear so i said nope tell me again. In true Roaming Soldier fashion he replied with "I love you like a fat man loves cake." It was a nice long conversation and we got flirty and sweet and discussed babies. Somehow the three we had tentatively agreed on became more fluid last night and something short of a baseball team starting line up seemed okay. i went to bed not too long after He signed off smiling more than i have recently. He promised He'd be on later (for Him, next day for me) but the military has a way of screwing up His promises so i wasn't holding my breath. imagine my surprise after i walked my last client out and i had a recent message from Him. He was able to stay on for a long while too, we talked for two hours for the first time in i don't know when. it's nice to be peaceful. that's what i am when i know He's okay. and of course when my mind is put to rest then my smutty brain can reignite. for those of you that don't know what that means just be on the lookout for O is for something or other. i haven't decided what yet but i have three ideas bouncing around in my head and one of them links back to the alphabet that has already been posted. anyway, life seems a totally different place when i'm reminded of my place with Him. It's not even that He did or said anything in particular but His presence, albeit digital, was enough to quiet the noisy parts of my brain that get fired up when i hear horrible reports on the soldier death toll in iraq over the last 10 days or when i make the mistake of watching The Unit when i really shouldn't lol.

i was gonna repost it's so amazing to be loved but thanks to my buddy who i'll refer to as GQ i was roaming around youtube and came across the video i posted below. for you Cosby Show freaks/fans you'll know the episode quickly. If for some reason you were unable to see the Cosby show in all of its glory when it originally aired please enjoy the snippet and try to grab the seasons at your local library. okay well i'm done for now. going to let me brain toss around O.

Labels: Daddy, life is good, sappy

Posted By red velvet at 8:54 PM

0 comments

.:Thursday, February 15, 2007:.

-the right Man-

i've been pondering song titles for the last 90 minutes or so to get to one that captured what was going on in my brain. truthfully i wasn't trying to revisit an old post to get my point across so bear with me please. i told y'all before that i pretty much have a soundtrack playing in my head constantly and this is no different. THIS song has been running through my head for a number of reasons. first i've been blasting the cd it's on daily as i commute to work. second, the whole cd is making me think of the transition that i've made in my life to this point. love is a wonderful redefining experience when it's real and good. finally, it reminds me how wonderful Roaming Soldier is even while it makes me conscious that i much like the singer won't have my father walking me down the aisle to the Man that has changed my life. while i'm sad daddy won't be there, knowing i found Roaming Soldier means my dad is trying to make sure i'm taking care of by someone he trusts and i'm okay with that.

we got to talk yesterday and that was great. another long chat before He had to go do those things He doesn't like to tell me about. that was fine though, i got to laugh and giggle and flirt and incite a fair amount of lust in the 6'8'' wonder before He had to go. and tonight i went looking for the youtube clip He sent in July that made me go completely girly. it's when i really first considered that He might really care about the short person penning you your smut. simple things that show you were listening are the best EVER. He's great that's all i really wanted to say lol.

red

Labels: Daddy, life is good, sappy

Posted By red velvet at 11:07 PM

2 comments

.:Sunday, February 11, 2007:.

-It's so amazing to be loved-

you know it's been a long few weeks. i have been heavily committed to things and instead of waffling when i could have weasled out i have stepped up as much as i could and handled things accordingly. this of course has meant i haven't been home even when i wanted to be. i have had to rush and do things for myself because other things were requiring much more of my time than i wanted. a lot of things have made me question what i'm doing and why. but today, well yesterday at this point, two different things made go well damn that's why i do it.

to my utter amazement and gratitude to all the forces in the universe that made it possible but our sorority event went off with a few minor glitches but otherwise very smoothly. it was good, i liked my outfit and hair, folks thought i was cute which is always a plus and everyone there seemed to be having fun. we all pulled together as we should have and made it a good event. praise the Lord above for that one.

the second thing that happened was simple and precious and made me think of the title of this post. i got a mostly uninterrupted few hours to talk to Roaming Solider. after a long gap in between our last real conversation it was good to just be His little girl for a while. did we talk about anything earth shattering? nope not at all but i can't say that we ever really do. it's just us being mushy as my girls call it. but it's the most amazing thing to know that someone somewhere loves you and wants to spend the rest of their time on this earth with you. i mean i know staying in love is hard and requires a lot of work and effort that a lot of folks aren't always willing to put in. but at the same time the work doesn't really seem like work if you feel perpetually in sync with the other person. He can't necessarily read my mind but 90 percent of the time what is going on in His mind is going on in mind as well. that other 10 percent is just one of our brains catching up lol. i am a little under two weeks away from the anniversary of the day that changed my life in multiple ways. it could have been a day that was ruined for me lol as it started off with a "formal release" from a commitment that was only really keeping me in check and not us together. but by the time it was over i had the silliest goofiest grin on my face all because someone sent me a sweet and unexpected instant message. it was the most maginificent twelve hour emotional shift my brain has ever experienced lol.


i've been amply blessed this last year. i haven't had Him home which would have been icing on the cake and really He might not be around. i'm difficult as hell to deal with and i think this time apart has kept me from bolting just because i haven't been overwhelmed and frightened by the very real emotions that are being shared between us now. He is so wonderful, so amazing that i can't ever imagine not being here or experiencing this love right now. i'll see y'all later and for those that chat on yahoo with me please send me a message so you can see my new avatar ROFLMAO. ok y'all know i like to have music in the posts sometimes. the following link/window is a playlist i made for Him. tell me what y'all think.

Labels: Daddy, life is good, random, sappy, silly, videos

Posted By red velvet at 1:06 AM

5 comments

.:Sunday, January 07, 2007:.

-please alert the body snatchers-

i want out of this pod and want to return to my pre happy as hell level of girliness. okay so the last two days of insomnia filled evenings i have been trolling wedding sites again. pretty much anything you could ask for i have discovered along the way and am now debating on whether the invitations just have to match the colors but yeah haven't exactly cleared those with Roaming Soldier yet even though they blend our organization colors quite nicely and i've found a dress and bridal party attire to coordinate with all of them. i've contemplated evening versus afternoon wedding, no kids, destination versus finding a nice church and how many layers i want on the cake. i did see two cute cakes today and may have settled on the bouquet lol. yeah i am soooooooo not understanding this. we haven't even officially gotten engaged at this point. i need help lol. i do have things to distract me but that won't start until tomorrow when i go run back to work and get back to looking for a house. ahh well hopefully the smut fairy will visit me soon and get me back to writing. okay see ya later.

red

Labels: life is good, sappy, silly

Posted By red velvet at 6:03 PM

4 comments

.:Sunday, December 17, 2006:.

-and i love Him-

okay this post will be short more than likely. i should so be sleeping but i made sure i did all the major things i needed to do for today (sunday) yesterday before i got back here. short of the wallets printing a bit weird at walgreens i'm good. well i don't have exactly what i wanted for my girlfriend that's in town but other than that i'm having a grand old time away from my place and from the responsibilities of my grown up life. but and this is a minor but in the grand scheme of things. because i crashed early last night i missed Roaming Soldier which would have been the highlight of the early morning hours of my birthday but it would have mean i didn't get the lovely email that greeted me instead. it inspired me to go searching the new song service i use to post stuff on the blog for the right song. i hope this works because the first song i was thinking of is nowhere to be found. i mean who could pass up reading these words from the Man they love:

"Today, I sit here and could never imagine My life without you in it. ...My big little girl, I love you and that will never change. you make Me smile through the tears, laugh through the pain, hope through all the sorrow."

believe me i wrote something equally sappy back. okay it's bedtime now.

Labels: Daddy, life is good, sappy

Posted By red velvet at 1:27 AM

0 comments

.:Sunday, October 29, 2006:.

-give me a minute-

i'm not even sure what i want to say right now. i'm feeling just fine truth be told. i'm a little friskier than normal but other than that nothing major is floating through my brain. i just finished phase one of edits--one of which i was QUITE happy about making--and i just want to crawl up in bed with Roaming Soldier and let Him play in my hair. well not JUST play with my hair. i have been on smutty email patrol over the last few days so i'm sure when He opens up the inbox and reads them He's gonna want to be home as well. it will be a nice long lovely time in bed when He does get home but until then, it's smut production for Him and dead kitties for me.

i lost an eBay auction earlier but really i didn't need it so that's not really a big deal. just trying to get something else together. i'm slightly shocked that really by friday my life as i know it could be totally different lol. well not totally different. i mean i will go back to work and do the same stuff i do right now. but i guess i do it with slightly more clout. either way i'm a happy kid. another door closing and making way for more doors to open.

yippee

Labels: sappy

Posted By red velvet at 7:13 PM

2 comments

.:Sunday, October 22, 2006:.

-adventures in love & Domination-

it's almost a day after this post originally popped into my brain so forgive me if it doesn't flow as well as it could. it was inspired by Roaming Soldier who wrote me a lovely little email while He was for some reason or other in the medical tent. brief momentary pause for a molly blane moment. yes i should be freaking out more than i am and yes i am more than just a little bit worried about what He is doing in the damn medical tent but i think i mentioned before, my brain operates under the "no news is good news" mentality right now. He could have just been dehydrated--it is awfully hot there after all or He could be on His way home. either way, He's still breathing and for now that's all that matters. molly blane moment over. we're stuck on numbers, Roaming Soldier and i, three in particular 8, 9 and 22--well four i guess because 17 sneaks in there by virtue of it being the product of adding 8 with 9. anyhoo, it was based on one of those numbers and led to what He deemed "one truth" at this moment. that being the fact that we were meant to be together as this relationship was totally not on the radar for either of us in january and here it is some eight months after we met and there doesn't seem like anything else in the world for either of us.

our lives, our love, our future are totally wrapped up in one another and all the worries i had in meeting Him when i did have long since been dispelled. any reservations He had about being open to the possibility of meeting someone new have faded into the sunset long ago as well. last night the depth of my girly sappy were exploited wholly lol. i went looking for books on His religion, wedding cakes and a particular bridal magazine i love that i can't buy locally to save my life. i saw a few cute cates but nothing i needed to take home with me. the books i had to order because of course they weren't locally available either. regardless, my brain is moving along the path of what else can i do now to prepare for our future.

the wedding, as i have found out from a number of friends as they have gotten married, is having less and less to do with us if and when it takes place the way i'm envisioning. a long vacation and a simple beach ceremony would work for me. i think all of the parental units involved would hunt us down and hurt us. plus it might be nice to put a few folks i know in the wedding party so i guess i can suck that up. i guess you have heard all the lovey dovey stuff---now where's the Domination?

well in the midst of that lovely email He veered off into three areas that reminded me why He has excited me so. nice tall intelligent sadistic Doms are so much fun to have around. He's enjoyed the stories immensely but they were enjoyable because He'd plant a seed in my head and i would spin it out to its most interesting conclusion. while a lot of our jokes are playful and cute, it is with the clear understanding that He has achieved a respect and dominion over me that was unanticipated to say the least. we have fit an ideal for the other that honestly, based on what i was reading, experiencing and witnessing didn't seem possible. actually, well before this, a nice vanilla male friend told me that it would be virtually impossible for me to meet a man that could both respect me and my intelligence when He knew how hypersexual i was AND that i liked to be hurt. i would always be able to get one or the other but not both. and while Emperor touched both sides for a while, it wasn't nearly as fulfilling as it could have been.

Roaming Soldier by extreme contrast lol has met all spoken and unspoken wants and wishes i had. He probably would have made that last shopping trip for toys obsolete had He been here but other than that, the feeling that i wanted to achieve with the person i submitted to has been in place for a while now. i have my Daddy, i have the Man that wants to tie me up and spank me and then fuck me into a blissful stupor. pausing for another molly blane moment. a woman wouldn't stay with a man in such a life as the Unit Wives unless she both loved him madly and he was laying it down to use a euphemism. look at jonas, listen to jonas and then look at him again. mr. blane has to be keeping mrs. blane quite happy otherwise she would so not still be there. end of molly moment number two. so yes this seperation sucks right now, my preference would be to not be writing this at all but to be having a mid afternoon spanking session with Daddy followed by a lazy afternoon in bed molesting one another. but since i can't do that right now, i'll kill another slew of kittens thinking about Him and settle down to writing Him another story. gotta keep Jonas smiling too after all so He makes a point of coming home quickly.

ok i'm done now, have a good one
red

Labels: bdsm, sappy

Posted By red velvet at 11:57 AM

0 comments

.:Monday, October 09, 2006:.

-trying to find my way home-

i can actually swear upon a stack of whatever religious text you like that this post will ROAM all over the universe. i'll tell you this up front. there are lyrics to Stephanie Mills Home at the end of the post. and right after that feel free to click on the little video window and listen to i never knew love like this before. good song, not what i was looking for lol but good song. okay shall we begin?

the end of my academic career is in sight and i am so tickled i can't even speak to it. my job may subsidize the whole trip in which case can we say tickled squared because i still need to make copies of my dissertation on the nice heavy weight paper and what not. not a huge expense but on top of being in town for a week and the flight and a car we're talking another expenditure that i'd rather just leave as small as possible. even though i might be able to use the grant i got and never put in for reimbursement for. good lord so much to do with that. but when it's all said and done i get to come back here and start my life as a nearly full fledged grown up. still gotta get licensed but hey whatever. for some reason i have yet to call this place home. i refer to my apartment when i say "i'm going home" but really i haven't felt centered enough to call any place "home" in years. that has intrigued and disturbed me but as of this moment i still don't have an answer as to why that is.

i went out to look at a house today with my mother. the hosue was in bad shape and was probably very pretty once upon a time but it just looks neglected and lonely now. it made me a little sad but the drive home raked my nerves. she is insufferable when it comes to "buying a house" as our only alterantive when we move out of this spot, and believe me we will be moving out of this hellhole, and anything else seems to annoy her. we have different ideas of what can be called home but at the same time, as i already mentioned, these places we live aren't home for me. for her it's a house or nothing and part of me just wants to pack up her crap and let her go wherever she wants. having a house just for the sake of having one makes no sense to me especially since i can't say for certain i want to stay here. and if i do find a house that i like and want to invest time in making my own is that unfair to Roaming Soldier and Littlest Soldier who were happily based several states away from here before they were separated?

well that brings me to the next thing. i love Him. in Him my heart has finally found a home. my heart knows as long as He's around it's safe and we are good together. however, my life post Middle East diversion, is all up in the air. we could stay here which i am sorta voting against because the tv here is all screwed up and the city itself is not conducive to my happiness. the good food is 30 minutes one direction as is the good shopping and the new cheap housing. my job is most assuredly 30 minutes the other direction. driving out of town is a required mountain trek and really that's just not attractive anymore. heading to His home base is another alternative except i am not all that fond of the city either. it's expensive, traffic is crazy and it's a bit on the crowded side. so that's two cities down and then what?

there's always let's find a mutually agreeable location solution. but do i really want the hassle of selling a house if that's the option we take? the most honest answer is HELL NO. but that isn't an acceptable reason to not buy the house to my mother. again why i'm even altering this much of my life is crazy but if i don't then i am being incredibly discourteous to the woman that raised me even though she is being equally discourteous and unreasonable. but even if we talk door number three there's this other issue that i have been aware of and may be why no place is ever really "home."

i was a military brat for the first decade of my life. we moved every two years no matter what or how i felt about it. for some reason it annoyed me when i was very young but i got the itch to move every few years since i reached adulthood. i don't get attached to places i sleep. i get attached to the people in them but not to the places our keys open at the end of the day. it protected me as a child from being split in two when we were forced away from everyone and everything i had come to know over that time period. my mother moved because she wanted to get further and further away from a certain segment of people (you fill in whatever blank you want to here) so even after my parents split i had ten different addresses between then and now if i used her as a home address. i've had three of my own and now i'm looking for the fourth. i don't think i'll call a spot home until He's in it with me in whichever city is blessed enough to have us.

part of that "home" will of course be Him physically with me to touch me, make me smile, and curl up with me at the end of the night. the other part will be something that has come up in a few posts on various blogs i read and on listservs prior to now. well it's a series of things so i'll start and again keep rambling. the first part is sort of like the whole chicken and the egg debate. which one came first and can we have one without the other? can we as submissives exist without our Doms and conversely can they exist without us? sure they can and we can. i mean we as individuals will keep breathing. but without that foil in our lives can we be true to who we are as individuals? i really have felt awakened and firing on all cylinders since i actively started seeking out the Dominance i was lacking in other relationships. it's rounded out my mindset in away i appreciate. was Roaming Soldier living His life quite happily without me? umm of course He was, Littlest Soldier is a treat and a half. have i added another layer to that happiness? by all reports yes. we can peacefully exist without that complimentary partner but life has been so much more interesting with Him around. as an extension of that, i know that i have been living under my rules for a while now but i do so because i choose to at the moment not because He's physically around to keep me on task. and while i like pain i am adverse to punishment lol. i can be a smartass, and i am when it's cute and flirty, i try to stop just short of being worried if i'll be able to sit on my ass the next day. this begs another question. when is it okay for us to "go there" with our Doms when the only real reason we are doing it is to get what we want IMMEDIATELY? i'm not talking about something that needs to be attended to like finances or the kids. i mean more like "damn i sure could go with a spanking right now." i know a lot of this will be determined by our Doms and what they will or won't tolerate. i guess i'm wondering because really i try to respect the boundaries we have established by the nature of the roles we play in the situation. now if He's wrong of course i'll be the first to share and then take my spanking like the trooper i am for not finding the politest way to tell Him He was wrong. i'm blunt to a fault so unless i take time to think about it that will most definitely create a spanking moment. what does any of this have to do with "home?" well it's sorta simple. our home is under His guidance and protection. that involves negotiating boundaries and rules comfortable for both of us and then both of us keeping our end of the bargain. as stressed as i am when i get home, i don't want to think about how to get my spanking lol and i know He won't always recognize when i need to be sent into subspace to release some tension but i don't want to get into bad habits of forcing His hand because one of those times i REALLY may not like the outcome. if i trust Him enough to submit to Him, shouldn't i also trust Him enough to learn my ebbs and flows and use me as He sees fit? ahh well i told y'all i was going to be rambling.

in a few months (not few as in two but few as in whenever He gets back we'll try to forget about this time), i hope to be able to tell you all somewhat more definitely that i am finally at home. i'll keep you posted.

love ya
red


When I think of home
I think of a resting place
A place where theres peace, quiet, and serenity
And thats where some of my friends have gone
Friends who have traveled with me through my wonderful experience in Oz
A journey Ill never forget

When I think of home, I think of a place
Wheres theres love overflowing
I wish I was home, I wish I was back there
With the things Ive been knowing

Wind that makes the tall grass bend into leaning
Suddenly the raindrops that fall they have a meaning
Sprinklin the scene
Makes it all clean

(When I think of home)
Maybe theres a chance for me to go back
Now that I have some direction
(Maybe theres a chance Ill get home)
It sure would be nice to be back at home
Where theres love and affection

And just maybe I can convince time to slow up
Givin me enough time, ooh, in my life to grow up
Time be my friend
And let me start again

Suddenly my worlds gone and change its fate
And I still know where Im going
I have had my mind spun round in space
And watched it growing

And oh, if youre listening, God, please dont make it hard
To know if we should believe the things that we see
Tell us should we try and stay or should we run away (Should we run away)
Or will it be better just to let things, let them be, oh

Livin here in this brand new world
Might be a fantasy
But its taught me to love, oh, yeah
And its real, its so real, its real to me

And Ive learned that we must look
Inside our hearts to find
A world full of love
Like yours, like mine

Like home
Like, like home
(When I think of home)
My friends smilin down on me
Givin me their energy, oh
(When I think of home)
I think of a peaceful world and joy
All around me, yeah
(When I think of home)
And love that we share can never
Never, ever be taken away from me, yeah, yeah, yeah
(When I think of home)
I just sit down and think
And gets on down in my bone, bone, yeah
(When I think of home)
I can hear my friends tellin me
Stephanie, please sing my song
I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna tell you what its all about


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Labels: life is good, sappy, videos

Posted By red velvet at 12:02 AM

1 comments

.:Saturday, October 07, 2006:.

-i can't even begin to explain-

.....the world at large. it's an interesting place to be sure and this whole last few years has been a wonderful awakening for me. i mean i have come to know two totally different men who gifted me with different things. and in one i truly feel like i have found my center and my home. i could be totally wrong. in two years i may be single and pissy but for the first time in my life i don't think i have the inside track on how to screw up my relationship. i mean i know when i doing those "things" that annoy and cause havoc. sometimes i do it on purpose (several relationships back) and sometimes i do it out of fear but i always know. as a result, i have curtailed all the things i would normally do when i want some attention and the man of my affection can't give it to me. it's a notorious cycle, it started my whole "you can be replaced" mantra, but as i have gotten older and slightly more grown up i realize that even those that can be replaced shouldn't always be. and in this case He certainly couldn't be. yes there are other tall sadistic Doms in the world but none like mine. i was listening to ms. jill in the car again and she summizes what i'm thinking quite well. i got something bedda at home (yeah i know He's not home right now but He will be soon enough). i'm sure if there was more temptation around i MIGHT struggle with it but that's not been a huge issue here lol. that's what porn and vibrators are for at the moment. okay i'm babbling, enjoy the rest of your weekend.

red


He's the kind that breaks it down
And curls my toes, woo woo woo baby ow
He's the kind that loves my mind and feeds my soul
And I love it baby

His intellect and outer respect, makes me wanna crawl
And be my best
And I know...
He loves his baby

He sense of self and silliness
Makes the hardest things
The simplest and I look but don't touch
Never know baby

Labels: life is good, sappy

Posted By red velvet at 7:59 AM

2 comments

.:Sunday, August 27, 2006:.

-syrupy sweet that's what i am-

okay so here i am again, descending into sappyville right now. the last few days have been an interesting mix of things. i'm covering all the crisis calls for the center right now and it's been an abnormally busy weekend. four calls in two days is way more than normal so what little sleep i've been getting has been interrupted by the phone ringing at any hour oh and the woman delivering the paper knocking at the door at 4 am this morning. can we say my mother, who is the one that wanted the paper in the first place, was sound asleep and didn't even move when i walked in the room? anyhoo, sleep cycle is jacked and it probably didn't help that i was watching spend my life via the big clip in the post below this one until i fell asleep. i love that song A LOT. as long as Roaming Soldier doesn't object then it will be played at some point on the day we get married. wow did i say that out loud? yeah i guess i did. He hasn't proposed and neither have i lol but i guess we have talked about it so much it hasn't occurred to me that we wouldn't be getting married. it's just a matter of when. anyhoo, back to the wedding day stuff. the other song that i have always wanted to play during my wedding to whomever was a song by brian mcknight. it's from his debut album many moons back--never felt this way. i said when i heard it that i would play it if i ever got married because it would take a man that could engender that type of emotion in me to get me down the aisle. well lo and behold i think i've found him. please give it a listen and tell me what you think.


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Labels: sappy, silly

Posted By red velvet at 10:49 PM

1 comments

.:Monday, August 07, 2006:.

-distracted and ditzy and dangerous?-

i haven't been at the top of my game lately. well the smut is still flowing nicely but that's about it. i'm tired at work, i'm tired at home. i'm horny as hell and then i feel like a nun. i enjoy sleeping but i'm not seeming to do very much of it lately and if i had my druthers (yes i used it again) i'd just be curled up with Him every night getting to work on the brothers and sisters Littlest Soldier would like to have. i'm not sure if that's the problem either. as of late when i'm asleep i can feel Him holding me. don't ask me how because He's never done it at this point but i feel a sense of security and hell snugness that my very empty bed cannot provide me on its own. it's a strange feeling but a welcome one all the same. but part of my brain is trying to shoo it away because i want to know what His arms actually feel like not my imagining of them. they may be exactly the same. it could just be that the very intense and lovely connection we have had almost all along has gotten a little stronger and i'm feeling what He's feeling across all these miles. i like that thought, it makes me sigh a bit. last night He told me that He was suiting up to go off on a mission, not anything resembling my favorite words. my brain screamed for a minute---why tell me this? what am i supposed to do now but worry? and of course i did worry but He tells me because He loves me. He tells me because as much as that screaming went on the rest of my brain said but i'd rather know to be worried than not. it's a tricky balancing act for sure. i love Him and support Him unconditionally. that doesn't stop me from cursing at W everytime i hear his name or voice or basically i'm awake. i hate the little bastard, i wish people hadn't let fear get the best of them two years ago and maybe we wouldn't be sitting in this mess now. maybe i'd be writing about my girl's wedding or planning my own or telling you all how much i hate morning sic kness but instead i'm apparently not noticeably shaken and missing Him more than i've missed another human save my father. my head is in a weird space. but i'll be looking forward to my snuggle tonight.

speaking of smut, i'll post part iv of the honeymoon after i finish part v and send it to Him. for those of you that like the idea of "little girl" being bad and "Daddy" having to punish her you will most definitely enjoy it. i did lol and He most assuredly did. hopefully i can keep my smart mouth in check when He gets home otherwise i'll be laying on my stomach trying to post on here lol. and i started making a list of songs i'm going to track on my cd player to see if i want to add them to a cd. if so then i'll burn as many as will fit and call it a day. He deserves a good soundtrack upon His return. if i don't like them i'll toss some out and throw some others in. thanks to my evil twin for the slowly hook up.

now you can see that i'm clearly distracted and a bit on the ditzy side so i'm sure you are now wondering about the dangerous. well see yesterday two men i find hilarious called me dangerous as we matter of factly discussed some bdsm related things and i had to stop and ponder for a minute. (this is me stopping to ponder, what i do it from time to time) anyhoo, so i stopped to ponder about all the different times men had told me that and some truly meant it in jest---you're dangerous--definition:

• you could hurt a man (dying from an orgasm seems fair to me)
• you could kill someone and no one would find out (they are probably right so don't push me)
• you make a man think things he shouldn't (how i do this one is beyond me)
• you are the type of woman some men dream about but all are afraid of (da fuck if i know on this one)
• you are often underestimated until you're gone and that's fucked up for whomever you left (i'll agree)

counting yesterday, i've heard that phrase from almost every man i know over the last 10 or so years. the ones that haven't said it know me well enough to know that i really am harmless because 90 percent of the time i'm not interested enough in most folks to feel a need to influence their lives one way or the other. the other 10 percent that i am, well for the most part no one has anything bad to say about me. i've never been dishonest about my needs or wants. i try to tell folks what i think is going wrong before i bounce and unless i catch you cheating on me i'm almost always willing to give you ONE more shot. after that, pack your ish and bounce. i'm by no means an angel but really do i seem like a dangerous girl to you guys? (ok really can you see me as a dangerous little girl?)

Labels: sappy, silly

Posted By red velvet at 5:53 PM

0 comments

.:Thursday, April 27, 2006:.

-oh gawd why am i awake-

okay folks i am ot a morning person. i never have been and never will be. if i was up in the morning and happy it was because i didn't go to sleep yet. every fiber of my being fights consciousness before 9 am and the sad part of it is i am usually in my office getting ready to see my first clients of the day then. i feel bad for anyone that sees me that early. i'm awake and i'm aware that they are talking but oh how i wish they were just ready to take a nap. anyhoo, so i'm awake and after having a pretty productive supervision session i am now here to beguile you with bawdy tales and lusty yearnings. there's only one TINY problem there--nothing bawdy is going on in my life right now lol. the lusty stuff i'll share shortly i'm sure but no real life blow by blows are happening right now. back to my "life" for a moment--it feels disjointed in a sense. i am very much enjoying Roaming Soldier and our connection. that is almost immediately tempered by thoughts of the Littlest Soldier hating my guts lol. okay i know it's unlikely and she's a sweet girl who has been relaying messages to me through Night Owl for the last day or so. and today her box of toys will arrive so we'll see if i did good there. but i'm trying to enjoy the plans the grown ups are making will still trying to be polite to the small person that has been there long before i was even an idea let alone a reality for Roaming Soldier. at least i do that while i'm awake. my dreams are a totally different story. i'm not being a wicked stepmother or anything and i always see her with us but dreams are often the best case scenarios lol. the one that follows is no different. warning time--nothing is standing out now as brain melty but if after writing it something does crop up i'll be back to ammend the warning. right now the scale is about a 1.0 and more than anything it will make you go awwwwwwwwwwww and you know how much i hate that.

it's a simple dream. one i've probably been having for years and just wasn't able to put a name to the person. Roaming Soldier and i are just relaxing at home. the kids are roaming around the house and children do. a ten year old girl is desperately trying to hide from a pair of inquisitive two year old boys and i am enjoying being still for five minutes. no one is screaming, no one needs anything and Daddy (lol) is surveying all of this from the spot on the sofa he has commandered. He pulls me close to him and i giggle (did i mention i'm not a giggler by the way) as i try to escape his grasp. it doesn't work, it never does and we fall into a familar but highly enjoyable habit. He strokes my hair and i whisper that i couldn't imagine being happier than i am at that moment. the calm is momentarily broken as children show up eager to be fed and the phone rings. He grabs the phone while i grab babies lol and everyone heads for the dinner table. He's smiling at me and nods which means that was the call from the nice doctor woman to tell me we're expecting again and surprise it's more twins. now why she didn't tell me that at the office i can't explain i just know that's what happened. oh and this set are girls so the hormonal balance in the household is jutting back over to estrogen lol. we both laugh, the kids are actually excited and we have dinner. phone calls to relatives and friends are made including my mother who is off on vacation somewhere lol. and after the kids have been put to bed and a warm bath of our own we discuss the fact that we aren't having any more kids lol. well at least i discuss it and RS laughs at me. and i wake up as we drift off into a pleasant sleep.

lord my dreams are getting sappy.

talk to you all later
red

ps for anyone that is waiting for it lol the next installment of the cookie peddler will be up either today or tomorrow

People Envy Your Energy

You've got the drive and determination to keep your life in order, and you are on track to be a huge success. People tend to envy all you've got in life, but they don't understand the work that goes behind it!

Labels: dreams, sappy

Posted By red velvet at 9:30 AM

5 comments

.:Sunday, April 09, 2006:.

-daydreams of an enamored woman-

i am a little tired but i think that's because that dreaded time in every woman's month is upon me. i'll happily let it come and go now because 1) i hate it and 2) well damn i hate it. as soon as this is done i'm going to go finish sorting clothes and start washing them. this is the part about being domestic that i detest. i can cook, i can bake, i can wait on guests hand and foot, i can wash dishes later and in rare moments i can vacuum and dust. thankfully my forever cleaning mother lives with me now and likes to do those last things. so in a second i'm gonna find the overpriced drugs the doctor was nice enough to give me and go back to the sorting process.

there has been some unexpected occurences with RS, all very good so don't worry about that, over the last twenty-four hours. it's what made me ponder life and love and all that is cute and wonderful in the world. umm either that or the nice rush of hormonality that comes along with the evil monstrous unholy pain. yes i said it and i mean it. men should know the truth lol. we aren't just snippy because we want to be, damn it we hurt and save giving us a morphine drip nah there's not a lot you can do to make that better. even if you could we'd probably just want you to have the cramps for us. ahh that's not true lol, some of you are such big babies when you are in pain it would just end up being more work for us in the end lol. ahh well i was going somewhere before i got distracted hmm.....oh yeah, unexpected developments with Roaming Soldier and my idle thoughts.

in the last post i started thinking about babies and step-mommyhood. last night and today i dreamt and thought about both of those things again. i was a few years older than the littlest soldier when my parents split up. old enough to recall the loss and upset that was caused the divorce. LS on the other hand was very little when her mother died and it's really just been her and RS probably as long as she can remember. where do i fit in there? i mean i know how RS and i would like me to fit. and if it was just the two of us, and i wasn't as obviously interested in him as i am, i wouldn't be nearly as concerned about this as i am. i like her daddy a LOT and i want to make him very happy. i am just worried about disrupting her life and the bond they have. sharing daddy is never fun when you haven't had to do that before. ok so that worry isn't exactly new lol, i've mentioned it at least once before. the other thoughts were basically my brain fighting with my emotions and trying think myself out of caring about RS. that's just silly (and it didn't work) because i do care about him and have found myself being incredibly girly as of late. i spent part of the day on thursday scribbling red Soldier over and over again to see if i liked signing it. yeah i haven't done that in forever lol and it felt silly while i was doing it but i kept doing it till i found the right slant and what not. this led me to thinking about what that really meant. was i, self-proclaimed woman who had no intention on ever getting married to anyone at any point in time, really considering marrying a man with a small child? honestly yes i was and am. beyond being perfectly Dom'ly and kinky as all get out, Roaming Soldier is a very wonderful man that i keep seeing myself lying next to and taking care of in the between those perfectly Dom'ly and kinky scenes. i am enjoying this very much. if it keeps going the way it has been i may have something to tell you all soon. for now know that red is preparing to be a good sub to Roaming Soldier and a good friend to the littlest soldier.

i'll end the post with the meme currently sweeping the nation lol. see ya
red

YOU CAN ASK ME SIX QUESTIONS IN COMMENTS:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.

No matter how random, revealing, rude, naughty or pointless. I will do my best to answer within reason... but no, I won’t give you my address, my name, my phone number or other facts that might lead to stalkers, crazed ex-lovers (and i have more than my share), or such on my doorstep.

Labels: sappy

Posted By red velvet at 6:42 PM

6 comments

.:Saturday, April 08, 2006:.

-and on the 8th day-

okay so it's 8th day of the month and i couldn't come up with a better title lol. i have been doing nothing all day. well that's not entirely true. i battled with the kittens for a while and they struggled mightily but thoughts of Roaming Soldier won out in the end.



speaking of Roaming Soldier, we got to talk a minute before he lay down for a nap. we are both very happy with how things are proceeding between us. i'm sure we'd be happier if there was no military involvement and we were moments away from being snuggled up as opposed to being hours away from being able to speak to each other briefly. the littlest soldier is ill so of course her Daddy is a little worried about her. makes me too of course but i still am refraining from trying to insinuating myself in her life to add to the disturbance she's alreay experiencing as a result of the move and Roaming Soldier's abscence. this is all a random jumble so bear with me.

i have been joking for years that i would be a great step-mother because i didn't want to have any kids of my own. i mean i don't always want to have any rugrats but the thought of a full house, the littlest soldier and RS makes me very cheesy grinny happy. now if i could skip the majority of the pregnancy and just deliver the kids i'd probably happily procreate but the thought of things being swollen and not in a sexual way just makes me nervous i must admit. especially as i haven't had to take care of an infant in forever and i like to sleep. and it would be a bit difficult to get up and breastfeed a kid when Daddy has me hogtied on the bed lol. i'm sure we'd work it all out but as the possibilties start to present themselves i do ponder them more. i'm off tangent though. just being a step-mother would be interesting for me. i've had enough of them to know what works and what doesn't (thanks Dad) and i really have no desire to replace LS's mom just be there to take care of her and her father. again i'm probably four steps ahead of myself but it's been on my brain lately. i guess that means i'm more than a bit smitten, duh like y'all couldn't tell that. nothing else to say now. we're both ummm in a killing kitten mood and that is all.

see ya later probably
red

Labels: sappy, silly

Posted By red velvet at 5:43 PM

0 comments

.:Thursday, March 30, 2006:.

-a penny for my thoughts-

anyone got a penny? shiny penny to put in some penny loafers perhaps? okay while i wait on that to come i'll go ahead and spew some stuff in advance and just patiently await my payment.

okay i can't type yet for some reason my place is freaking on fire and i feel like my skin is ablaze and not in that mid-coitus, spanking, shower kinda way either. it's just freaking hot. okay that's better. good lawd. i'd just strip but you guessed it, the recent birthday girl is staring into my room and since she's not bothering me i don't want to close the door on her just yet. the breeze from the fan feels great though. i may leave it on as i sleep tonight. i love the breeze. plus it's going to rain tonight and y'all know where my brain goes in the middle of a storm. pleasant dreams for red, uh huh oh yeah it's my dream night. umm let me get back to what i was thinking lol.

i am stupidly happy. i have been blasting music in my car for a few weeks---prince, santana, r kelly (yes r kelly), and my lovely tupac mix cd including the very very angry hit em up. every now and then i'll mellow out with some jill scott, erykah badu or india.arie but mostly it's been prince (incense and candles will be the perfect stripper song i swear), santana (boom boom boom santana's in the room), and r kelly (you're my dream dream dreammmmmmmmmmmmm dream girl). entirely off tangent (like i was really on one) the matrix is on right at the part he comes out of the gooey crap lol i love this movie. anyway, i am stupidly happy. the music and speeding are very good. mommy liked her dinner and her presents--very good. people at my job really love me lol--could be because i bring them chocolate but they still love me. i think i may have warped a few brains today because i responded to a friend who brought up figging on a non bdsm related board. if i did i apologize, if i didn't hee hee just give me more time. and the mere thought of Roaming Soldier makes me bust into a silly smile. that is a GREAT feeling. i was only able to talk to him for a few minutes before i took mommy out to dinner. i swear it wasn't anything crucial or life-altering but when i saw it, i wanted to tell her to sit down and proceed to sacrifice a kitten while we chatted. what was the statment you may ask? is it too private to share? will it make you blush and go well i wasn't expecting that? it's possible but if you have been here long enough you shouldn't be surprised by these things. drum roll please........

hey sweety, you are on my mind as well. Have fun with mom. Eat a good meal for daddy .

so i know you are wondering why that made me all silly and girly. well really it was the daddy. makes me blush and wanna curl up in his lap so he can play with my hair until he decides it's time to tuck me in . and it's the oddest thing because i am really not into age play. i can role play a good scene here or there and have no problem referring to a man as "daddy" but remaining childlike for a protracted period of time is so not appealing to me. well i guess i like those over the knee spankings too but really i want to be his grown up girl so we can do those things that grown ups do. and thanks to Night Owl i am terribly aware that i am keeping him smiling as well. as i have mentioned before, nothing greater in a sub's world than to know her Dom is smiling. and nope it's not official or anything like that but the more we talk the more it seems like a good fit for both of us.

i'll be back later tonight or early tomorrow morning if it starts raining like i am expecting it too. the "daddy" has a scene playing in my head now. he of course doesn't know that the word intrigues me so but that's the great thing about the newness of situations. we accidentally say things that push each other's buttons and then we memorize them to push them at random. mind you Roaming Soldier can press anything on me and it's likely to push me over the edge. and he's eagerly awaiting the first storm that hits when we're together lol. okay be back later. have to unleash the story midstorm and undressed. neither of which is possible now.

love ya
red

Labels: life is good, sappy

Posted By red velvet at 8:12 PM

0 comments

.:Sunday, March 19, 2006:.

-my brain hurts-

well not so much hurts but it's being bombarded by things and people. because of one of the boards that i visit i have been getting approached by a few single Doms looking for a good sub. that's all right and good and since i haven't been collared to date they are well within their rights to approach me. and i am well within mine to ignore them. i am trying to introduce them to other single subs or Dommes (as the case may be one guy is digging the idea of switching roles) to no avail. i've actually been trying to match up people all over the place. one of my ex's that keeps proposing is maybe getting attached to a friend out of state. not sure what will happen there but if they met and fell in love and got married and had babies i'd be eternally grateful.

i talked to my brother and he is doing well as is his wife. that's very lovely for me. i adore the happy marriedness about them. it gives me hope and makes me smile. i talked to my girlfriend tonight and she was doing well, drunk off her butt and missing pillar but she was doing well. and for that i am happy as well. it's been a long week and she was allowed to decompress most of it. with a glitch here or there she made it through relatively unscathed. the rest of the blogland is experiencing upheavals here and there. hugs to taylor and all those that need it in the subverse and the bdsm community at large. i have spoken sporadically to lots of folks today and maybe that's why my head is throbbing right now. i'll be posting something here eventually for a male friend who had a horrible weekend with a woman who was unsure about what she wanted and put him through changes as a result. there is nothing wrong with not knowing what you want. just don't drag other people into your confusion. it's unfair to them and whomever they deal with RIGHT after you. my mother while not annoying was just a little taxing this evening.

i sealed up letters to Roaming Soldier, i think i mentioned that earlier but if not ha ha now ya know. due to the heightened security surrounding most bases right now he won't be getting them anytime soon. he would prefer they not be read and fondled before he got a chance to fondle the pages himself lol. ahh i guess you figured it out that we spoke tonight too. not entirely too long but long enough to make each other giggle about random things. he said a very daddy like thing and i couldn't help but smile. and by that i mean he said something that just made me think of my father. which may have annoyed the crap out of me or made me go running for cover had i met him a few years ago but daddy was a good man even with all of his issues. they weren't ones that typically interfered with our relationship but i do have to be aware of them. as for Roaming Soldier, well he and i have just fallen into an easy rhythm with one another that i like. and all of his daddy like qualities make me very at ease with him. i could definitely use him now to help get rid of this blasted headache. nothing like a good endorphin rush to help alleviate an ache or pain. small break for what can only be described as "Learning math with your Dom."

after a brief discussion about the Littlest Soldier's desire to avoid all math homework, i smart assly replied (and i know assly is not a word)---no one should like math unless they are getting spanked. RS's reply--"4 paddles and a riding crop, equal fun" followed not long after something else that just made me want to kidnap him immediately. and no i won't be sharing that piece but it just expaned on the mathematical enjoyment that a attentive Dom can bring to His sub. between the tylenol i took and just thinking happy things because i spoke to him tonight my headache is beginning to dull. the next post i make will probably venture off into sugasm territory lol.

see ya
red

Labels: sappy, silly

Posted By red velvet at 12:07 AM

0 comments

.:Tuesday, December 13, 2005:.

-apparently i'm the matrix lol-

see the test below to explain the title. anyhoo, i went to bed happy (well mostly happy i would have been thrilled to be woken from a sound sleep and as i yawn i hear "a relax your tongue" as my gag is slid in) and i woke up happy and without much incident. i am terribly clumsy and have the bruises to show for it lol and i didn't go back to bed long just a few catnaps before i was dressed and out of the door. of course i hate morning traffic but i get off early today so what can ya do? my ten forgot her appointment now if my 11 will just cancel then i'll be free to do paperwork (or not) till i am scheduled to leave the office this afternoon. that probably means long lunch for red but woo woo lol.

Master Enigma gave me a lovely compliment on the last post in that he enjoyed the reality of my blog. i am much appreciative of that. but as i'm also quite silly allow me to make the following remarks as well. i have yet to master the art of not putting my true self forward. i can hold things back but the longer someone knows me the easier it is to see that who i am in one spot is who i am in another. basically i love reality and what i share with you and Master Enigma and Emperor is really just me. complete goofball, enamored of that aforementioned Emperor, who is a wee bit of a hypersexual pet, and has been accused of trying to kill a number of men because my appetite was out of control at one point. i'm better now, well mostly, and don't require nearly the amount of stimulation i used to. and what i like now is definitely about seven times more intense than what worked for me in the past. ok super girly moment in 5.4.3.2.1......

all right remember the nightmare? of course you do i've been talking about it for days now lol. well as i mentioned in last night's post i told Emperor about it and He was equally stunned that my imagination had taken us there figuratively. as i was recounting why i felt bad in the dream though i mentioned His son seeming to like me so much and He said something very mundane but it made me blush anyway (i'm blushing now as i type it lol). anyhoo, He said, "I can see My son liking you a lot. I like you a lot." or something to that effect and yes i blushed all over the place. after all the ick of the dream all i will really keep on my brain for as long as possible is that comment. i hope to NEVER see it played out in reality but yeah that made me grin a wee bit. we are making plans to see each other again, soon i hope, but again the coordination of schedules is a bear. i'd love to ring in the new year together but i'm on call and me Emperor and my mother does NOT sound like a good time at casa del red. i mean we could lock ourselves in my bedroom or get a hotel room but she'd just keep calling if we left the premises. ahh well regardless of when it happens know that today red is quite happy and of course quite horny and as soon as my last errand for the day is over i might have to dispatch of a few more kittens lol.

Labels: sappy, silly

Posted By red velvet at 10:32 AM

4 comments