.:Wednesday, July 30, 2008:.
-random post-okay so i don't watch a lot of reality tv because it sorta sucks lol. but for the last few weeks i have been watching the baby borrowers. if you haven't seen any of the episodes or heard of it the concept is to let teenage couples enjoy the experiences of raising infants to toddlers and etc till they were dealing with elderly parents. they were closely monitored and well let's just say that was a blessing. they five couples were ready to get married and have them some babies. at the end of the experiment none of them were together, one couple split up before then, and thankfully none of them had any kids. it was a good thing i believe for teenagers to see the number of ways their relationships could and would be strained by having children. they all were just so inspired by their elderly pseudo parents but thankfully again they realized what they needed to do in order to be with someone 60/70 years they weren't ready to do. i was sad to see that one of the parents' wives had died after the experiment as they had been together 70 years i believe but that in and of itself is just touching. as was the man whose wife had already died and said that she was a blessing in his life for 67 years. he was just looking forward to seeing her in heaven. i mean really what can you say to that? i was not under the delusion that i wanted to have babies at that age. heck i'm not even sure i want to have them all the time now. i would like to shoot for 60 odd years but that would make me 92 at this point and i have no ring or wedding date. okay i'm done being random lol. see ya
Labels: random
.:Thursday, June 12, 2008:.
-holy crapola batman!-Okay so i really didn't have a cute title for this. i didn't realize i hadn't posted in over a month. as soon as we finished the project at work my brain went mushy and then i went on vacation because mom was gone and well vacation rocks. so do the boston celtics as of this moment. i had damn near refused to watch the end of the game. i mean they were losing 26-7 early in the game. they were hurting my feelings. yes i know how can random men who i am unlikely to ever meet hurt my feelings. that's the weird thing about watching sports. if you are rooting for or against someone then this massive us versus them thing happens and well i really like garnett and allen and i really hate---yes hate---kobe bryant. i do feel bad for his teammates as i love derek fisher and lamar odom but i want them to lose real whole lot unless kobe decides to retire between now and sunday. in that case i want a tough 7 game series. otherwise i hope that boston wins one of the next two games and puts me and kobe out of our somewhat-tied-together-misery for entirely different reasons.
i have no other updates, RS is still not home and i still haven't heard from Him. i'm not sure what to do at this point.
Labels: random
.:Saturday, December 29, 2007:.
-google's i feel lucky-every now and then i love google. before when you typed in weapons of mass destruction and then hit i feel lucky instead of search a very humorous error page showed up. tonight in my insomnia fit i typed in marry me and i feel lucky. the first thing that came up was this graphic comic that is hilarious. it's not over so now i have to keep going back to check on what happens with Ana, Guy, Parker and Jany because i'm anal like that. hope you enjoy it and if you don't you only wasted 10 or so minutes of your life. you weren't doing too much with them anyway lol.
http://www.marrymemovie.com/
.:Tuesday, December 25, 2007:.
-contradictions or why i like the cookie dough analogy-i started to write this post two weeks ago but i got sleepy and then went to visit my absolutely stunning and wonderfully intelligent almost eight week old niece. yes i know it's impossible to know she's going to be wonderfully intelligent but let auntie red dream big for a minute. okay anyhoo. i am just getting around to the post today. i contemplated saving it and doing a why i'm thankful post but that seems trite right now and it can wait till i'm no longer on call and can drink like a fish. okay so where was i? oh yes, the delay has just been one of those things with me as of late. things aren't getting done on a miraculous schedule but they are getting done. so here we go with what is sure to be a rambling post with likely little to no bdsm references so if you keep reading just know that you have been warned.
so to start with the title is way too long i know. but it makes sense in light of what is on my mind so bear with me. i know i've talked about it before here and others have elsewhere about the inherent contradictions there are in submission for some women, well for most women. even those who are submissive by nature still have their moments where they are fully in control of their lives and potentially the lives of others but at the end of the day they relinquish that control happily to someone else. if He were home i'd be one of those women. 8 to 5 life almost in total opposition the multitude of hours that surround it. no one that knows the strictly vanilla side of me would ever believe you if you sat down with them and said oh by the way red is a nice subbie girl who likes to get spanked. and honestly if i wasn't me i'd be right there in disbelief with them. i think this is why i have readily identified with women who seemed to be somewhat contradictory in presentation. women who are by all outward appearances very strong, in charge of their lives and sensuality/sexuality but seem to be waiting for something else or someone else to share the load with.
take the person who the cookie dough analogy originated with, buffy summers lol. i'm sure you are going what, isn't that buffy from buffy the vampire slayer? why yes it is. it was a random conversation toward the end of the show between buffy and angel. there is that inevitable moment whenever they are together that the tug starts up again and for a minute we can just hope they can figure out how to be really happy with each other without him going all crazy stalker vampire again. she just as easily could have said my job sucks and until it's over we can't be together to angel who as we know would still be smoking hot whenever that was lol but she didn't. instead she told him that she was still cookie dough and she wasn't done baking yet. she needed some time on her own before she could even daydream about angel with warm fuzzy thoughts again. it's a nice way to say i still have a load to carry that i'm not ready to share with you yet. instead he comes in and gives her the method to save herself and mostly everyone around her and leaves as he always does. and i can say that made me ache a little bit when i saw it because i could totally relate to being cookie dough because i didn't really understand why i never trusted the men around me to bake me as it were lol. i didn't trust them to appreciate the cookie dough that was me. instead i went about being very focused, very buffy-esque in my pursuit of me and only being half satisfied with it. to her credit, even when they have been thoroughly warped, sarah michelle gellar has played some pretty kick ass women on screen and has seemed to find someone that compliments her well privately. i love her and freddie together but please no more movies together. if you want to read the full quote scroll to the end of this post. thanks to Much Ado about Buffy the Vampire Slayer for having it up.
as i was prepping this i also thought about the mickey mouse club's former member now blond retro diva with the best pipes. i mean who else other than christina aguilera could have sung it's a man's world and done it immeasurable justice? i remember when christina and britney hit the airwaves and prayed for their quick demise from the pop world. i mean i really didn't need anymore sugary sweet blonds singing for me. especially when one couldn't sing. thankfully christina didn't go away, she evolved and got better writers and let her voice come through. stripped is one of my favorite albums ever and back to basics is equally lovely at times. she caught a lot of flack for that whole X-tina thing and i think she handled it well. yes she also dated a back up dancer but unlike the talent challenged peers that did the same coughjlocoughcoughbritneycough she didn't marry him or heaven forbid have babies with him. she moved on in private (thank heavens) mostly and found the man of her dreams, married him and with whom she is expecting (haven't heard if the kid came yet) her first child with. that's 1 marriage and 1 baby folks. i know i of all people shouldn't be sounding prudish but waiting until you are ready is such a wonderful thing. rebound marriages should be outlawed. but that's off tangent. she hasn't tried to become an actress, is putting out consistently good music and is well respected for her talent. yeah she is a cutie pie but she does that because she wants to not to mask her inadequacies in the studio. she's the vocal buffy equivalent but she also seems to have kept most of her private life private. she seems to happily be her husband's compliment even though in most circles no one knew his name before they said i do.
by no means am i saying that either of the women are submissive, i just see the contradiction in them that i see in lots of strong women who struggle to find that balance, the cookie baker if you will, for themselves. at the time it felt like i was being a traitor to the gender if i acknowledged the type of man i wanted in my life. that it somehow meant i had to do less in that day to day world if i wanted the right chef to come along and whip the dough into shape (pun fully intended). i struggled with that for years before i was ready to give up all the while finding the strength i saw in other women as empowering and kinda sexy lol. for much of the three decades i've been floating around the earth i've been cookie dough. i haven't completely lost my doughy consistency because there is no one here to pull me out of the oven when i'm nice and golden brown. but hopefully He will be soon and then He can tell you what kind of cookie i taste like (pun fully intended again).
beyond telling you what flavor of cookie i am i have decided some other things for 2008. i am not making resolutions this year. i never keep them unless the resolution is to ignore them. after my last bit of licensing stuff i am committed to a full out makeover of my mindset, my physical appearance and personal relationships. i am taking care of myself next year or i will die trying. i'm too young to be at my current weight. i'm too young to not be nurturing my friendships better and i'm entirely too young to not make sure everything is in good working order. i'll update you randomly about how that is going. hope you all are having a merry christmas, had a happy hanukkah, will have a happy kwanzaa and that something wonderful happens to you before your breaks are over.
Full Quote: "I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking. I'm not finished becoming whoever the hell it is I'm gonna turn out to be. I make it through this, and the next thing, and the next thing, and maybe one day I turn around and realize I'm ready. I'm cookies. And then, you know, if I want someone to eat— or enjoy warm, delicious cookie me, then... that's fine. That'll be then. When I'm done."
~Chosen
Labels: introspective, random, update
.:Saturday, November 24, 2007:.
-words escape me (or maybe not)-i haven't posted recently as i haven't had anything to say. i haven't had a lot going on. i've been working, cranky, working, tired, working, missing Him, and working and being mad at Him. yeah i said it mad. i've been trying not to be mad because well it doesn't help Him at all. and being the good little trooper i've been trying to be mad doesn't play into the equation very well. i know it's not His fault. i know He'd be home if He could. i know that this is not how He chose to be spending the last eighteen months but i also know i was just tired of it. and it was unrealistic to think i was never ever going to get mad at Him. the moment has passed of course but it was boiling over a few days ago. i explained it all to Him in a rambling letter that i need to mail but won't detail here.
i've mentioned it before. people mean well by asking if i know anything and when He might be home but you cannot imagine how annoying, frustrating and just depressing it is to say the same thing over and over again. if i knew i swear i'd just blast it somewhere and then disappear so i wasn't having to field multiple conversations about what we were going to do or when i expected Him home exactly or if i was excited. let me just tell everyone now YES i will be excited not that i expect it to stop anyone from asking.
as a result of the frustration for lack of a better word, i haven't been all that motivated to write anything. i can't say that has changed either. i still look at the remaining letters and the lovely setup that Look it Up provided for me and nothing says oh yeah write me down and make folks diddle themselves. maybe later or maybe i'll go back to sleep. it is awfully early for me to be up on a saturday. just wanted y'all to know i was still breathing.
see ya
red
Labels: introspective, life is so so, random
.:Friday, November 16, 2007:.
-i want or the world is topsy turvy-okay well not really topsy turvy. it's a bit different since mom is back now but that's okay at the moment. she brought my candy bar baby announcement for my niece and the announcement that my brother and sister in law created for the lovely bundle they created. they sent a big picture bundle as well that i need to have to converted over to a cd so i put her on display. well not really display. just put her in my office or something. that was all nice about mom coming back but the feeling of just general disconnect i've had lately hasn't going away.
i think i've been a little out of it in general because all the time she was gone i really didn't invest much energy into killing kittens. i walked around naked a lot well half naked in case someone knocked on the door and i needed to throw something on really quickly. i have just been kinda blah though. i want Him. i want Him to snuggle with and hear snoring in the bed next to me. i want to be thrown against the shower wall and struggle to keep my footing as He thrusts into me and makes me purr. i want lots of things that i can't have right now because He's not home. i watched The Unit this week and so shouldn't have. Hector's autopsy and memorial were just damn sad. i don't want to be the new chick who was just getting her relationship established only to have that person taken away with all the promise of the relationship shot to shit. i want to know how peaceful He is when He's sleeping soundly and how fast He'll move when i say i want a peanut butter cookie and a milk shake and some lo mein noodles at 3 in the morning in the 8th month of my pregnancy lol. i want the simple things and not so simple things and i want them yesterday but i'll settle for them tonight or tomorrow or the day after that. i want to know what His lips feel when He kisses me on the back of my neck. yeah that's what i want.
Labels: introspective, random, vent
.:Sunday, November 04, 2007:.
-alice wants to break the looking glass-if this makes the slightest bit of sense i swear it will be an accident. you have been warned now let me figure out where to start. the last few weeks have surely been interesting. busy of course, new addition to the family which is beyond exciting and taking care of things since i'm in the house all by myself. it's a little odd being in here all by myself to be honest even though i am enjoying the privacy and the idea that i can walk around half naked if i want and she won't be looking to see if i have added any new tattoos. i haven't of course but she is so freaking nosy sometimes.
i miss Him but try not to miss Him because that feels like i'm somehow not being as supportive of Him as i could be. i haven't written to Him in a month at least and i feel bad about that too. nothing has stopped me from doing so other than the pity party i have been having i guess. i'm not being totally productive lol but i'm not an absolute stump. i have been listening to a lot of new music and everytime i think i found something that sort of captures the mood i'm in i'm wrong. zhane's "off my mind" has been rambling in my brain and the song is fitting until it gets to the whole let's get back together/i forgive you for being an ass refrain. i'm digging jill scott's new cd but nothing on there is really what i'm thinking pretty much because she's breaking up or horny on the entire cd. not that i'm not horny ROFLMAO but that's not what i'm thinking of when i think of Him all the time. then there is amy winehouse's "some unholy war." love it but i can't really fight at His side, well i'm sure the government might consider it seeing as how they are not going to ever have enough soldiers to sustain the non war we are in. but at the end of the day i really couldn't be WITH Him that entire time because that's just not going to be productive for either of us.
i'm feeling a little sad i guess. i don't like it. i like being retardedly happy when it comes to Him. hopefully this funk passes soon. back to the simpsons now.
Labels: life is so so, random
.:Sunday, October 21, 2007:.
-coming your way soon-New smut is coming soon, i'm just debating which letter to unleash next. One would be just terrific to lead into the others but it might not be as smut heavy as it could be otherwise lol. Okay i'm running away now, entertain yourself with the quiz for now
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Do you have an inclination for BDSM? created with QuizFarm.com | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| You scored as Submission It feels good to serve. A lack of control in the bedroom can be fun and relaxing. Being with a dominate person wouldn't be a bad idea.
|
.:Sunday, October 07, 2007:.
-nothing to say, too much on the brain-have you ever had one of those moments? there is so much running around in my brain but absolutely none of it is useful in the grand scheme of things. what i want i really cannot have but i don't want to dwell on that or make the object of my want feel bad about not being available. He would be here tormenting me, making me play nice with my mother and planning a slightly less elaborate than He might originally have planned, when and if planning took place at all, wedding so that by all appearances we were just another perfectly happy upwardly mobile couple. i do like the appearances don't get me wrong, but it would be very nice to be able to take in a pillow to plop down on at work and not really explain my ass is steamy red and uncomfortable to plop down on without extra padding. i mean i could, i don't share everything with the folks at work but it would be nicer to not even have to broach the subject. that your kink, as long as it wasn't harming anyone else, could be just another basic old relationship.
i'm not desperate for a spanking at the moment. i could really go for one but the reality of life means the great lord spanko is not available so i will just enjoy sitting on my tushy while i can. i daydreamed for a moment on friday that He would surprise me at the car a la one of my smutty stories from a while back. yeah no such surprise lol but it was nice to daydream. i'm going to grab a bite to eat and read so i can return this book to the library. if anything becomes coherent enough to scribble out here i'll be back. if not enjoy your sunday.
Labels: random
.:Sunday, September 30, 2007:.
-all quiet on the bored subbie front-nothing is really going on around here. now that i don't have to focus my attention solely on passing an exam i have a lot more free time on my hands. time to miss Him of course and hope that He's okay wherever in that godforsaken desert He's hanging out. i got manhandled out of my system but my remaining letters aren't encouraging any new smut just yet. i have been looking at a potential self publishing venue thanks to green lantern to stop saying i'm going to do this and just start doing it. of course lazy soul that i am i would much rather go the traditional route so that we can work on everything together and go from there. truthfully i'm bored and before that would get me into a mountain of trouble. bored horny subbie girl was not a good combination when there was a bunch of horny men around. however, i'm well aware of the only itch they would be able to scratch despite protestations would be the need to kill kittens and that's not enough. i need the whole kit and kaboodle and i need it from Him.
i've been dreaming a lot lately too. mostly about the two of us in bed asleep, no scenes, no long vacations filled with sexual depravity. just us in bed pressed against each other safe in the knowledge that He was home and safe and that in about 25 minutes children would burst through the door and invade the half naked sanctuary we had established. gonna have to work out the sleeping situation as i really don't like clothes overnight and that would not be attractive to Littlest Soldier. besides i don't want to be waddling down the aisle so we'll probably have to sleep in something to stop those midnight oopsies when searching for a condom is just not fun and damn i'm knocked up moments from happening. ahh well let me go eat my very late breakfast.
i don't know if i took this test before but yippee i'm 100 percent spankable now
Your Score: SPANK SLUT
You are 100% spankable!
You loved to be spanked, good and hard, with any available object. You will take it as hard as anyone is willing to give it. You are probably guilty of provoking your lover into spanking you, by flagrant misbehavior or verbal challenges. Hell, your ass is probably red right now. We wouldn�t be surprised if you are standing at the keyboard, because it hurts to sit down.
| Link: The How Spankable Are You Test written by bazz22 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test |
.:Friday, September 21, 2007:.
-inner demons=better people/product-this post may ramble a bit so you've been warned lol. for the last few weeks i've been listening to the amy winehouse cd that i checked out from the library. i love our library you can check out anything damn near and keep it for at least a week if not more with no major issues. that's off tangent though. i really didn't pay much attention to amy beyond rehab which i loved and i think posted the video here at some point. i mean the song was hilarious to me primarily because of what i do for a living but still funny regardless of that. i figured if it sucked i'd drop it back off at the library and call it a day like i do with cds i don't like. instead i came home and took advantage of my 5 for 1 deal with bmg. not that i was even a blip in my mother's brain at the time but amy's cd reminds me of old Motown music which was full of emotion and good backing music that properly conveyed the sentiment it was reaching for. this is off tangent as well but friends of mine as well as music writers remarked this year that the best "black/urban/soul" whatever you want to call them cds this year were created by non-black artists (another invasion of the blue eyed soul singers lol--check out robin thicke) that were really talented and not just the new pop sugary thing. okay back on tangent. amy has put together a nice little collection of music. however, amy has MASSIVE issues. she's had a rehab stint this year for "exhaustion", has been hammered on stage, spits on fans and is overall in need of help. she's not really a sympathetic character but she doesn't really seem to want that. she just wants to be accepted for who she is, so it appears, and for the most part we have. there's no pop backlash primarily because she's always appeared as a boozing, hard living, type of chick. we look at her and go she needs help to conquer her demons but we don't expect her to do it anytime soon and let's face it we can excuse a lot of crap when people are doing something we like or appreciate. which leads me to the point of this post. some of our most gifted actresses, actors, musicians, artists, and the like have had some of the strangest issues and the most flawed personalities . we overlook them until it's nearly too late because the product is always pretty good.
and i believe that when we fight off our demons and get past them we are usually better off for it. but do we have to let people suffer so long to get there? is it a matter of we know someone isn't ready so there is no need to push? or is it a fear that the work produced will somehow suffer when they aren't looking for approval through the eyes of others? i'm not sure really no matter how many times i've tossed it around in my head. i'm not perfect by any means. i have had an assortment of issues that i've mostly dealt with at this point lol but i can't say it's had a profound impact on my life right now. i work a little harder on some things than others and i sometimes do more than i might otherwise for people who remind of where i used to be. but no one is watching me with adoring eyes. well one person will be lol but not millions of folks.
when are the demons too much ladies and gents? when do we force someone to change or leave them to their own devices?
Labels: random
.:Monday, August 27, 2007:.
-insomnia loves me-howdy folks,
nothing is really going on here. i hoped to be sleeping like a normal person post exam but my body hasn't decided to play catch up yet. instead i spent the last twenty or so minutes cleaning out my blog roll. with the exception of people that i have some personal connection to i deleted nearly all the blogs that hadn't been updated within the last three months. most were at five months or longer and i hate that blogs go dark but i also hate clicking on them and seeing nothing new. i figured you did as well so thus some changes were made. i also added some new blogs, mostly to the kinky list, because as a community we do well when we support one another lol. there are things that some of the new links discuss that could be greatly helpful to you and others have been linking to me for quite some time and i figured i should return the favor. if for some reason a blog couldn't be reached anymore i also deleted the blogs to save folks a bit of frustration.
i've been tossing some things over in my brain tonight that i really need to talk to Him about but i haven't been able to do that yet which totally sucks. beyond that i'm okay i guess. been watching way too much silly television (ie robot chicken) and missing Him. i perused a book called how to survive the bridal wave (that period of time that everyone else you know is getting married) which was funny and would have been front and center on my bookshelf about three years ago. now it's interesting but not something i have to have. instead i've been more invested in looking at a career girl's guide to becoming a stepmother. i can't say that i'm super career girl but it has been giving me something else to do. of course in these moments i start thinking about other things as well.
i wrote a whole lot of crap just now and deleted it. i need to talk to Him about that first. y'all have a nice night.
red
.:Sunday, August 19, 2007:.
-project funny-i am a huge fan of bravo's reality tv stuff. well two of them, top chef and project runway. every now and then there is a recipe i want to try and i'm always amazed at what the fashion folks whip up. anyway i was scrolling the net tonight, no surprise there, and found this quote from project runway host heidi klum about her husband seal.
Her husband, musician Seal, also chips in around the house, whipping up traditional English breakfasts of eggs and beans. And they take time for each other, keeping the romance alive - aided by her tight-fitting jeans.
"He always does a butt check," says Klum, who returns the favor. "I like him in jeans. I like him in anything. I like him without anything."
Which almost makes it obvious how they keep their relationship hot.
Says Seal: "It keeps itself hot."
"He always does a butt check," says Klum, who returns the favor. "I like him in jeans. I like him in anything. I like him without anything."
Which almost makes it obvious how they keep their relationship hot.
Says Seal: "It keeps itself hot."
okay i'm sorry that's the cutest thing i've seen a married couple say in lord knows when. here's a link the whole article if you want to SEE IT (umm click see it in ase you were confused).
the studying is going well, i'm well beyond passing now but i am still going to drill until probably tuesday and just review a little bit on wednesday. hope everyone is okay.
red
Labels: life is good, random
.:Saturday, July 07, 2007:.
-do something nice today-okay in the rash of crazed brides--and not so crazy brides--getting married today a lot of other things are getting buried in the news. well maybe not this stuff that i'm about to talk about because i don't watch a lot of things that aren't on cartoon network, a&e and a few other select channels--espn especially now since wimbledon is on---GO VENUS IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY (can you tell i hope she wins). anyway what was i getting around to? oh yeah. i love prince as most of you know and today his fascination with the number 7 has come forth in a positive fashion. he's launching a 24 hour fundraising event to divide money among seven charities. i was happy to see that sheila e.'s elevate hope group was among the list of seven charities. anyhoo if all goes as planned then the effort will raise at least half a million dollars. even though i will probably never wear it i bought a bottle and after the reading the things mixed in for it i also won't be as traumatized as i was by his previous scented offerings. anyway if you like click on the link and check out the charities and decided if you want to join the global purple nation and help out everything from kids to jazz and education.
i was gonna tell ya about how i was listening to the first maroon 5 cd today as i was driving home and really wished Roaming Soldier was home to ummm reap the benefits of said aural experience but i will refrain for the moment.
EDIT
okay i'm sightly retarded sometimes lol and don't always read things through. i submitted the rope to The Naughty Guide to see what they had to say but they had already taken a gander. Here's the review and what do you know we got 4 stars:
Starla Says - Another one of my favorites! This site has remained consistent throughout the years. Written openly and honestly. This African American woman discusses her life all the ups and downs a no holds barred site. True, open and honest, without the drama often found in other blogs. A great read!
Angel Says - Lovely design on this site. This was a new blog for me and I enjoyed the author's style very much. Seems very heartfelt.
Labels: life is good, random
.:Thursday, June 28, 2007:.
-i'm so in trouble-and i deserve it. i haven't intentionally not studied but with the lovely cramping and being on call i just really haven't been focused on what i'm doing with my work. i will be able to buckle down again this weekend since i'm off call and have no standing engagements. i don't have to leave all weekend again and i should be able to get through another two or three sections at least. keep your fingers crossed for me because when He sees this then the spanking count that i don't like is going to go up. the other spanking count, you know the fun one, that one is great and all but the icky punishment one has been low and i appreciate that.
anyhoo, does anyone remember chick-o-sticks? those were the best things ever when i was little. the only time i can tolerate coconut is in chick-o-sticks. i've been using them to feed my sugar fix during this lovely period of the month. great but i'd prefer to have the big sticks instead of the individually wrapped bits. still it's been yummy yummy yummy in my tummy.
tonight was the end of the starter wife. not sure how many of you were watching it but i really liked it. i think i just really like debra messing and like to see what she can do with a role. it was a short summer series and while they wrapped it up all nice and stuff i would have liked to see it continue. i didn't watch the web episodes (webisodes for the technologically savvy) but i may watch them now. click HERE if you want to know what i'm talking about.
and finally i really like this song. it made me remember all the stupid men i have dated and recovered from lol. the video though is just damn twisted and strange. JT gets a little violent and Scarlett is looking very Christina Aguilera-ish during the whole thing. not that i don't think X-tina and the Timberman wouldn't be an interesting mix but she's very married and in wuv and he is dating Jessica Biel or the actress formally known as the church hottie (okay so maybe i was the only one that referred to her as such but they really made a big deal of her being uber hot when she was still on seventh heaven). if you want give it a watch but warning up front while the song is maybe 6 minutes and some change the video is almost 10.
Justin Timberlake - What Goes Around...
Posted Feb 12, 2007Justin Timberlake has a wild love affair with Scarlett Johansson while performing an epic single at a stylized LA club.
.:Saturday, June 16, 2007:.
-Daddy 1, brat 0-well He finally saw that i hadn't really been studying as much as i should have and was able to talk to me about what i was doing or not doing as the case may be. i'm on a wee bit of a punishment if i don't get my act together tout suite. so i may come back and update this later tonight but right now i have to handle the test construction section at least. have a good day ladies and gents.
edit: okay so i finished my test construction section in between a client crisis and boring tv line up. i'll get to work on social psychology in the morning. that virtual ass slap seems to have gotten me back to work.
Labels: random
.:Tuesday, June 12, 2007:.
-god i'm babbling-i'm not sure what this post is going to turn into because my brain is kinda all over the place. i haven't been studying nearly as much as i should even when i have the time. i am almost begging for Him to discover that and well get on my case. being pseudo independent is not all that much fun. especially right now in the midst of birthdays, anniversaries, father's day and the impending 4th of july weekend. all these times when we should be together and be a family i am sitting awake slightly hoping to get punished. i know that's being incredibly bratty and i should just do what i need to because it will make Him proud but so have no motivation to do so right now. i'm not in the middle of subbie blues--at least i don't think i am--i'm just blah from time to time when i'm not talking to Him or distracted with something else. last night's distraction was browser issues that have since righted themselves. tonight was father's day cards to the men in my life that need them--that is except Him whose card was mailed a tiny eon ago and Twin Soldier because i forgot to mail a mother's day card to Twin Soldier's wife and that just seemed really rude to me thinking about it now. it didn't even come up at the time. and if i didn't agonize over what to put in His mother's card i would have truly been at a loss with Twin Soldier's wife. Twin did get a birthday card--quite funny if i do say so myself--and i'll be sending her a birthday card as well. i am a card girl if you haven't figured that out.
i have been a bit off center. i have been talking a mile a minute and jumping topics when i do which i'm sure has entertained Night Owl even when she has not the slightest idea what i'm talking about. i really think we're, me and Him, are in need of a long week together. He's tired and frustrated and i am definitely in need of His hands wrapped around me. where they choose to roam is totally up to Him but i do miss being close to Him. all this pent up sexual frustration is not a good thing really. either that part of my psyche is just going to go dormant or i'm gonna be so hyper when He gets back that i might dehydrate Him. okay so the second scenario is more likely but still that's not a good thing.
so the last thing on my mind is something that has sorta come up on two discussion groups i belong to. can you be a sub/slave if you have a Dom? of course i think the state of mind is possible but what do you do when you have no one to furnish all that attention and give over control to? i think you could potentially do what i did and pray that your toys don't die during the period of separation. well provided you are allowed access to the toys. that isn't to say this has been easy. there are times when i just don't let me brain enjoy the sexual things that are running through it because i want Him and not the nice automated fill in i've had for Him since He left. and then there are times when how much i love Him totally overwhelms me and if it means that we have to be apart a few more months then screw it. when He's home He'll do thins to me that i used to only dream about and now have found someone that matches the depravity of my overactive brain. 98 percent of the time i do what i know He would expect of me and some things He would never ask of me. in those moments my submission to Him are clear and concise. and then i'm just mopey go lightly and start waiting for my spanking to get me back on track. ahh go figure. i don't know if i'm making sense anymore so i'm going to bed.
night
red
Labels: introspective, random, vent
.:Sunday, June 10, 2007:.
-well that's a fine to do-i have nothing earth shattering to tell you. much to my surprise i was able to talk to Roaming Soldier on His birthday briefly. He wasn't particularly happy that day and then the computer kept acting crazy so we'd get interrupted mid conversation more often than not. i tried to work on my rule number one but it was hard to do that in between the frequent shut owns and just overall lack of good mind space on His part. it's hard to see Him not so happy. in all the time that i have known Him a few words from His little girls and He is usually a happy camper. i think two birthdays away from home and no immediate end date in sight had Him a little on edge.
other than that life is quiet. i finally found a wedding planner i actually like after months of flipping through tons of them from the library. none of the bridal bouquet books i've seen have been all that impressive so i'll just stick with the one i found months ago. the etiquette books could drive you crazy but i found a easy to understand and incredibly cheap because it was on abebooks.com copy of one i liked too. of course i need none of this remotely anytime soon. i'd be shock and amazed if He proposed the moment He came home. but hey i wouldn't turn Him down if He did. engaging in my random girly moments gives me a tiny bit of normal life calm so i treasure them lol. i should be studying and if i don't start hammering down soon i'll be in trouble. i really wish He was home to give me more motivation to get myself together. ahh well i think something is wrong with godaddy again so this may not get posted till tomorrow. see ya
red
Labels: random
.:Saturday, June 02, 2007:.
-welcome to the randomness redux-howdy folks. i haven't meant to be back in witness protection but i have needed to take heavy doses of drugs this week to keep from shooting at people. my pain threshold is abnormally high except a few days a month. then i just want to sleep and eat and watch things that make me cry. like the link right below. you can watch the whole episode but this is the best part and it just makes me go awww that right there is beautiful. now some will go what is she talking about? that woman left her wedding but if you watched the show at the time you'll know why it was so beautiful.
other than crying and watching sappy things i have been listening to Maroon 5's new cd it won't be soon before long which i love. it's not like their first cd at all really. songs about jane was more lovey dovey and sweet. it had moments of inspiration and it was light. this cd seems to have been written as an end to an intense love affair. of course it could just seem that way but it felt like i was walking through a complicated break up. anyway i really have like it especially track 4 which plays into my somewhat warped sense of humor. the song is called wakeup call but this is definitely not the kind of wake up most of us would want to have. it's very shit damn motherfucka for those of you that like d'angelo. but of course without the r&b spin that the resident voodoo child would have put on it. i got the disc at best buy so i got a 2 track bonus disc that i actually like those songs a LOT and felt like they should have been included on the main cd. the one at target apparently has dvd content so just think about which one is more important to you if you decide to pick it up and i have to say i can gladly recommend it.
moving on. i have been thinking about weddings and marriage and life and love and while i am sure that He is the man that i am meant to be with, i keep trying to put myself in check so that i can handle living day to day without Him here. i started new smut but He interrupted it and i haven't got around to finish it. i'll give you a hint though, it visit the letter I as i have been given the leftover vowels to work on. until then go read a cookie peddling story and if you are really nice i'll post the one that has been kept off the radar till now.
see ya
red
Labels: life is good, random, videos
.:Sunday, May 27, 2007:.
-all quiet on the home front-there is nothing going on here tonight. i have enjoyed my time off immensely and yesterday after lunch i took in a couple of movies. i rarely go to the movies so this was a treat. i watched pirates first--which is long so don't go get a huge drink if you have a weak bladder because you will need to go at least once--i loved it. i didn't watch all of part 2 so there was a bit of catch up to be made but really all of the different storylines interwove quite nicely for me. i didn't like a piece of the end but that's because it just seem so wrong. i won't say more than that because some of you might be going to see it but really go see it at the theaters s you can enjoy the lovely sound system. and if you can go early enough in the day to avoid the die hard pirates fans and the plethora of quiet children that followed me to shrek the third. now shrek was cute it just wasn't as engaging as the first two had been. the thing is though when i thought back over certain scenes i still laughed just as hard at home as i had at the theater so it could have just been a let down after the build up that came during pirates. and i loved how they played on some other fairy tales to make this shrek. the end was entirely too cute and i had to order myself a present from build a bear from the movie. i also gave my mommy a card which she still hasn't said anything about. that kinda hurts as i wrote a lot a the back of it but what can you do with other people. anyhoo i wasn't expecting the weekend to get much more interesting as we had a mommy nail run to make but it did.
when i got home today after studying and feeling smart because i understood what i was reviewing i found three packages sitting in front of my door that contained about 10 of the movies that i lost in the move and two new seasons of series i loved. yeah baby. i haven't watched any of them yet but i like em i like em. no word from Roaming Soldier but that is typical for a week or two stretch. just hope He can say hi soon. other than that enjoy the meme below. i'm gonna finish my cookies.
1. Ever kissed a blonde haired, blue eyed person?
only baby droolia cause it makes her giggle
2. Can you see a phone right now?
yes
3. What are you listening to?
theme music
4. Where is it coming from?
tv
5. Last thing you ate?
tombstone pizza
6. Last thing you saw on TV?
law and order svu
7. Who was the last person other than family you saw?
coworkers
8. Song stuck in your head?
nothing at the moment
9. Last movie you went to?
double feature, pirates of the caribbean at world's end and shrek the third
10. Do you have a tan right now?
i have a permanent tan called melanin
11. Do you dance while getting ready for... whatever?
sometimes
12. What are you wearing?
pajamas
13. What is the most people you've been naked in front of?
they're all dead now so it doesn't matter (ok so they aren't dead but it was an accident and i like to think they are dead)
14. Have you ever watched the movie Rockstar?
i saw half of it when it was in the middle of night and i couldn't sleep
15. Have you ever taken a bath/shower while you were drunk or high?
once or twice
16. Do you like techno?
not at all
17. Has anyone ever walked in on you while having sex?
unfortunately yes
18. What is one country you want to go to?
South Africa
19. Have you ever made out on a plane?
not at all
20. Have you ever jumped up on stage when a band was playing?
i don't think so but some concerts are hazy
21. Do you have leadership skills?
yeah
22. Are you musically inclined?
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
23. Have you ever sat on a roof and looked at stars?
nope
24. Ever done that while talking on the phone to a...person/loved one?
nope
25. Does the song Stairway To Heaven make you sad?
Umm no
26. Do you have alcohol in your room?
rubbing alcohol in the bathroom is about it
27. Who was the last person to make you laugh?
Night Owl
28. Do you have any instruments in your room?
do tambourines in the closet count
30. I say SHOTGUN, you say...
do the jerk baby
Labels: life is good, quizzes, random
.:Wednesday, May 23, 2007:.
-witness protection is scary-well i disappeared now didn't i? last week was hectic and i was still on call which i hate lol and then thankfully it was over. which is fine in the grand scheme of things but last friday was the anniversary of my father's death. it's always a weird day. some years i'm okay and others were like friday and i was really ready to just climb in bed and hide from people. which is what i did all day saturday. sunday i had a meeting and then i went back to bed. i've been on vacation this week and that's good but it's given me way too much time to think and miss my dad and Him. haven't done much beyond get some groceries and get into an interesting argument with my mother. it's been kinda lonely all things considered but not as bad as it could be i guess. i know He loves me just like my daddy did but not having either one of them home sucks. okay moving on to slightly less depressing things.
i colored my gray hair today. i have tons of it and have since i was a pre-teen. they say it's a sign of good luck but right now it's just annoying. plus my blowout burgundy was turning more of an icky brown mixed with dark brown roots and my interspersing of gray. so now i'm back to my loreal feria preferred color lol. i also made dinner for my mother and wished my brother happy birthday at an appropriate hour. it wasn't a bad day just missed the men in my life including that boy who got a little older this year. i mean he's been with me for nearly three full decades so we have shared a lot of good and not so good times together. i'm not unhappy with my life right now i'm just not feeling like my firing on all cylinder's self. oh well if you want to see some cool digitally created graphics check out the website below. have a nice night, i'll be back soon.
http://www.dazedgraphics.com
Labels: feel gross, random
.:Sunday, May 13, 2007:.
-counting mixed blessings-odd post title i know. it's been an odd weekend. friday was good, we had our retreat and came back to the office to mill around till i came home. i'm doing crisis coverage right now and thus far nothing major has happened even though i do look at the phone with a bit of foreboding. saturday started off well. i woke up early after going to bed massively early for me. then i got a well meaning phone call but it just threw my brain into a proverbial tizzy. i actively avoid the news about iraq when i can help it. that's the safest thing for me on most days because either i get worried or i get pissed and neither is a productive state of mind for me. i have to find things to settle myself or else i just get quiet. i tried to calm my nerves and it worked to a degree. i wasn't crying once i went and clicked on the article for myself. in case you have no idea what i'm talking about yesterday morning a patrol unit was ambushed. four soldiers were killed along with an interpreter and three others were captured and/or are missing. i do understand that there are tens of thousands of troops in iraq fighting right now but when even one of them belongs to you on some level you do not rest well until you know for certain that the report isn't discussing your soldier. so while i haven't heard from His family or my girlfriend that He is among the missing or dead it's hard to keep blocking that from my brain and keep moving like this is a normal day. there was nothing normal about yesterday.
i left home briefly, thinking about taking a long drive but that was nixed by the ridiculous cost of gas right now. instead i went on the errand i was supposed to go onto in the first place. i ran to hobby lobby and got some scrapbook glue so i could work on a project for one of my sorority sisters. first i thought we have too many pictures and paper and not enough pages. but of course i managed to work that out. then i was thinking okay i over conserved because i had leftover pages. well i was wrong on that too. it came out nice i think. we'll see what the recipient thinks. so i was feeling good about that and was nicely distracted for about two hours. i didn't touch the other things i grabbed in hobby lobby. i didn't touch the big book of supplies for making a love/wedding scrapbook or the similarly large book for making some for kids. i bought both of them with my brain in firm denial that anything other than what we had been planning would take place. Roaming Soldier is coming home, He is going to spank and fuck me into a stupor repeatedly, He is going to make me a good Catholic wife, and knock me up until we get the number of kids we want. yep that's what is going to happen. and i held onto that thought as long as possible. then it got later my brain started doing weird things. nervous subbie is not a happy state of mind to be in. i started tossing around all the different ways i needed Him and why i needed Him and what on earth was i supposed to do without Him or even the possibility of Him. all bad things to ponder before bed so of course i wanted to talk to Him to make sure that He was okay. that didn't happen of course so i went to bed late and slept fitfully.
i woke up and was happy because at least no one called with bad news. i fixed my mother a huge breakfast and gave her an absolutely adorable card if i do say so myself. and i talked to my younger brother--the father to be--and that made me smile. he's going out to find a lovely gift for his wife that will end up being a good gift for their kid as well. embarrassing once they get older but good gift. it made me smile and start thinking about Roaming Soldier's and mine imaginary passel of children. thinking about where we would put that many similar gifts for our kids. thinking about how many painkillers it will take to get that many kids out of my body and stop me from taking out Roaming Soldier. it gave me a lift that nothing else could have or did over the last twenty-four hours. i'm likely to literally be in tears when i hear from Him again but my brain has switched back into the necessary mode to handle this again.
one day if you stop by and the site looks dark, send me an email. it means He's home and all the daydreaming is finally a reality. but somehow i think He'll want me to entertain you all with something from time to time so it will likely just be a brief hiatus. okay i'm going to go flip through the scrapbooks now and write the letter i didn't start last night.
Labels: life is good, random
.:Monday, May 07, 2007:.
-dream interpretation stat-okay i can't blame this on what i ate cause i went to bed well after i ate. i can't blame this on something i was watching because really i was watching cartoons. this was just apparently a weird dream night. at first i was either dating jerry springer or dating robin thicke and was being interviewed by jerry springer because paula patton had called the show pissed off. now i think jerry is a sweet old man and as white guys go robin thicke is kinda purty but neither one of them are on my wouldn't it be nice to date now radar.
the next part of the dream was equally bizarre. i was on the camera crew for flavor of love season 1 and i was in charge of following new york and someone else around. all i kept thinking was this poor idiot just doesn't know what's good for her and she needs to raise up out of here. well that and i'm not remotely sure how the hell any of this is going to be usable footage. i went out for a smoke break and never came back. that led to the last part of the dream.
i was on a train in tokyo. i was confused as hell though and thought i was going to miss an appointment. i got off at this station and walked over to the help desk to figure out where i was supposed to be going. betty white was working the help desk, yes THE betty white, and she asked me how she could help me. so i told her and she said oh honey you are just flustered go upstairs and get something to eat. so i went up the cafeteria and ran into this lovely chocolate man that i don't know from adam but who was apparently looking for me. we hugged and then went through the line to get something to eat. as we were checking out i bumped into peyton manning. yeah that peyton manning. choco cutie introduces me like i'm some random girl who doesn't watch sports lol and i say yeah i know who he is we were in school in tennessee at the same time and i lived in indiana while he was playing. peyton jokes that i must be following him and now i caught him. i indignantly say i'm not looking for you and if i was trying to catch you then i would have done so by now. he shook his finger at me a la dikembe mutumbo and it got close enough to my mouth that i started sucking it and didn't stop till i saw that look that men get when their little quarterback gets all ready to hike the ball. i let it go with a pop and he looked confused before he said if i get divorced it's your fault. choco friend smirked and took me off to a table and i woke up.
da hell is all of that? can someone PLEASE help me out here? really now this was weird i mean i HATE peyton manning. i'm glad he finally won but mainly for tony dungy and because if he choked this time indiana would have imploded lol. there's no way in creation i'd suck on anything peyton ever gave me. just eww.
.:Sunday, May 06, 2007:.
-painkillers are your friends-last week was a pretty good week all things considered. we finally got some stuff straightened out at work. we will not be so incredibly short staffed in the fall that i feel the need to slap someone upside the head. there are some other things going on that i'm not happy with but we can't get everything we want when we want it. of course i've known that for at least a year now as i have wanted Him home and instead have had to be content with letters, emails and instant messages. the periods in which we haven't been able to talk have gotten longer and more difficult to tolerate on a day to day basis. but those moments in which He's all mine again, no matter how brief they are, have been incredibly wonderful. over the last two weeks, those moments were more frequent than they have been in quite a while. after that long conversation on Tuesday that made lots of men smile, He was able to talk to me again on Thursday. couldn't even tell you what we talked about at that point but it made me very happy just to be still and bask in our feelings. those are GREAT moments.
which is probably why i wasn't as cranky as i normally get when the pain is about to hit like a ton of bricks. i knew it was coming because i get testier when i'm driving and i just start wanting lots of unnecessary things to eat. sometimes are better than others but really for about 5 days i just am eternally grateful that i have really strong prescriptions that i can ingest as i need to and that really do make sitting upright possible. for some reason the dose this morning is taking longer than i would like to kick in but i'm still able to do this instead of cursing apples and snakes and stupid people for doing stuff they shouldn't have done. well if you believe that's the cause lol. i have something i should be getting dressed now but i have some time so i'm going to sit here and remember that some nice man in the desert loves the mess out of me.
Labels: random
.:Friday, April 27, 2007:.
-rambling rambling rambling-my house is mostly clean tonight. i know what's the big deal about that? well for at least 3 years i've mostly lived out of boxes. i unpack the clothes and the books i need for work and keep it moving. my "for pleasure" books don't get opened because well i haven't had any free time to read them even if i wanted to. now that the bloody dissertation is done i might be able to crack one open--after i finish studying for my exam that is. well that's not true i read a book for fun a few weeks ago. umm i'm rambling now lol. i never really unpacked because homes are temporary until i find the best job ever or have kids or what not.
my mother has been beyond frustrated with that and with the fact that most of her stuff is not here. well we spent the last six days, well the we is more of the royal we cause she isn't really able to do all that much, cleaning out boxes that hadn't been touched in years and putting away boxes and stuff into the spare closet in my room. my mother is now overjoyed. everything is in it's place as far as she is concerned and it tickles her heart. and some of it was helpful, we got rid of a lot of junk which was good and i got ideas about where i would like to permanently place some things and got all the study material i needed to get together either on one shelf of the bookcase or my little gray cabinet that was never more than a holding cell for crap i didn't know what to do with. i have to clear off the bed tomorrow and decide where we are going to put my massive cabbage patch kid collection until her stuff gets here and gets situated. but she is an unpacker so lord knows i'll come home one day and all of my babies--all 31 ish of them--will be assembled and waiting for me when i get home one day next week.
i did a just for red thing this afternoon. i got my hair all nice and tended to and found out my beautician is likely going to be relocating but it's closer to my place and i might be able to get my nails done at the same time. that's always cool. all in all it was a good week just busy at work and home. i miss Him of course. i always miss Him though. don't want to get into that too much because i will start crying. okay i'm done rambling. talk to you later.
red
Labels: life is good, random
.:Friday, April 20, 2007:.
-i was dreaming when i wrote this-well not exactly. i was back in bed like i was yesterday trying to shake a nagging cough and sore throat. got better drugs and the coughing is clearing out whatever it is my body seems to have contracted but really don't want to be sick again. i don't enjoy it especially since no one is home to baby and take care of me the way i would appreciate at the moment. it hasn't given me a chance to catch up on my random movie watching.
i just finished watching children of men which simultaneously had me very intrigued and scared out of my skull. i mean what really would we do if the random infertility that plagues us was more widespread and there was no cure for it? i'm not sure but if it ended up anything like this movie then i am going to opt for immediate cyanide because good lord this was a hot mess. don't watch it if you are looking for a nice happy movie by the way. it's a good movie to spark conversation but it's not a happy movie. it can provide you with a bit of hope in a twisted way though. but again maybe that's just me lol as i am strange. i'm going to rewatch another movie to figure out why i don't like it. i seem to be one of the only people that doesn't like it and i want to know if it's cause i really do hate the plot or it's because of the actor. i haven't decided yet. after that i am going to watch my new movies from the disney movie club. 5 movies for 30 bucks--can't beat that at all lol. especially since they were really like 2 bucks a pop for the first three and then discounted on the next two but still taking off one of the old pesky required movies to buy later.
let's see other than that i started my clean out process of a few more things i need to address before i finish the filing away part of the move. i stumbled upon a lot of cards and letters and things related to my father that i have likely not touched since i put them in there. some made me smile, some made me cry, some made me wonder who are you and why can't i picture your face. mostly though it made me think that i have been wonderfully blessed to have the friends i have and my father touched a lot of peoples' lives. both of those things were good thoughts to have and hold onto. so i am and will play with the cards until tomorrow when i tuck them back away.
ahhh and two other things have come up as well. well potentially three or more but let's go in order of my random thoughts. i think i am ready to start writing in earnest. that means i have ot start getting ready for folks to critique the smut i've written and help guide me in the best direction for the future--well without steering me too far off of my own smutty trajectory. i'll let y'all know when and if any progress is made there. i hope to find out if i got the first hurdle of my licensure review done soon and if so then it's back to study for one last test.
off tangent---i love judi dench and thandie newton. i'm always surprised by the roles they take and the way they twist those roles. the only thing that was mildly disappointing about this film for thandie is they somewhat oversexualize her (is that a word) but they never really use that hypersexual appearance for anything. she's clearly manipulating nearly every man in this movie but there's a level missing there. okay that could just be me because i'm horny again.
brings me to my last item for the moment. i have been going back and forth between gathering information and ideas on nice Catholic weddings and my own vision of this day to why exactly am i pondering this as He hasn't even asked me to marry Him? each moment is distinct and neither is all that deep meaning i'm not bridezilla or anti-bride at either end. my brain is conflabulated every now and then. i love Him so deeply and can't imagine not spending our lives together most days but other days i just want to fuck Him silly and avoid the chapel for as long as humanly possible. i think all of this just means that i need a nice good spanking lol. and i'll leave you all with this picture below. i'm liking the suave british boys lately especially as they aren't seeming all gangly and asexual lol. no offense to british boys but the ones that come to mind beyond actors are all thin rock stars. anyhoo have a good night.
Labels: life is good, random, silly
.:Friday, April 13, 2007:.
-old lady for sale, bid quick-i promise this post won't ramble on about my mother indefinitely but she's crazy. i spent a piece of my afternoon returning something she shouldn't have bought in the first damn place. she likes to shop for jewelry in particular using QVC and tv stations like that. about two months ago someone called from the company that she is returning crap to about an order at the time she denied making. of course i'm at work when the mail comes so i would have no idea what she ordered or when unless it came from one company that sends me email when her order is placed. ummm i am off tangent. she's mad today because i put my extensions back in and didn't curl it up like a seven year old like she likes. then she got madder because i wouldn't write something on a piece of paper that she could put on the paper herself and she's "never going to ask me for anything ever again ever" which would be fine except she's said that about 10 times since she's lived here and that obviously hasn't lasted so i'm not holding my breath. anyhoo enough about mommy.
i left my office today to get my monthly dose of creamy crack. fresh perm is a beautiful thing i swear. i have a crapload of stuff to do this weekend though and i'm trying to decide if i'm up to being a good sorority girl this weekend and next weekend. my brain is saying no you aren't sit your butt home and rest but i love being with my girls so we'll see. i added the extensions again this month as well. my hair got a lot thicker and a bit longer the month i had them in before now. so my stylist and i decided to alternate a bit and see if it happened again. last month it got to rest and got thicker still so we may have hit on the thing to get my hair as long and healthy as it used to be. i went back to work and the lights went out in he middle of my session. that was hilarious lol. i'm just a bit tired now. it's been a busy week and a good emotional one as well. talking to Roaming Soldier twice in the same week is virtually unheard of for me lately so that was very very wonderful. it's not hard to remember that He loves me but it's always great to be reminded and really i get to be cake lol so that's always great too.
i got my study material ready to so now it's time for me to get cracking on the monster exam that will determine whether or not i get licensed. i am not terribly worried but i hate studying even though i love standardized exams. go figure. smut is coming i promise. i'll see ya later.
red
Labels: life is good, random
.:Saturday, April 07, 2007:.
-too much thinking-well that's not why i haven't posted since tuesday. i haven't posted because it's the end of the semester and my job is kicking my ass. trying to get things together and it's not always working out smoothly. plus i got a surprise (only because i like to forget she's coming) visit from the evil bitch woman that invades my body once a month and makes it so unpleasant to be me. but at least she comes with heavy duty pain killers so i guess i'll suck that up.
i have, maybe to my detriment, finally gone back to my local library. it's a great place to get movies for free that you get to keep for a week at least. new movies, old movies, kiddie movies and tv shows. pretty much everything but porn and let's face it i have my own porn connection. i did finish the e lynn harris book i picked up. it's interesting enough to read in one sitting but not one that if you had to put down that you would like pick back up and keep reading if you didn't have to. it wasn't a bad three hour read but it wasn't one of his best to me. but then again i haven't particularly liked the last book before then even though it wrapped up nicely. i didn't read the toni morrison book but she has a tendency to make my head hurt so i'll try it again later.
now i'm watching romancing the bride which seems very cute. i hope it wouldn't take an affair the night before your wedding for you to decide that you want to be with your husband or not but hey do whatever you need to do in order to make everything okay for yourself. life is what happens when you start making plans i guess. have to stop planning out the life and live it to its fullest. so i have to let my mind wander back to smut central and see if Roaming Soldier joins me there. i've been missing Him a lot lately. as Night Owl keeps saying, He's my weed in my garden of life loosely translated to i'll never be able to get rid of Him. not that i didn't know that before now lol. He's abostively wonderful after all.
i got my camera back yesterday. it took the full 10 days to get returned but it works again and i don't have to spend 200 bucks on a new one because of course i'd have to upgrade at this point. i am hungry damn it, train of thought is all over the place. i've been looking at stuff about being Catholic and talking to more people about converting. my brother laughed at me and said "yeah you are going to have to do that if you want the type of wedding you are talking about." he had to debate that when he and my sister in law got married because she's Catholic. now they have to discuss all of that with baby velvet that's on the way. they both attend a non denominational church right now but they are probably going to baptize the baby Catholic and then let them decide what they want to do at some later point. ummm be right back, gotta put on a movie.
okay i tried to put on a movie but i had to put some stuff in the mail and now i need to finish watching this "wrong man" show on courtTV and then "till death" comes on about couples who snap and one kills the other one. it's twisted but in case you guys hadn't figured out i have a massively twisted sense of humor and find that part of life intriguing. what makes people lose their mind and hurt one another? well in that non consensual fashion lol. i know why people CAN hurt each other when given permission. hell i'm counting down the days until i can be one of those people lol. ahhh well i'm starting to ramble i believe. green lantern i'm sending you a surprise so be on the look out for it. Night Owl i'll be harassing you later. everyone else soon as bitchy mcbitch leaves i'll get back to my smut output.
see ya
red
Labels: introspective, life is good, random
.:Saturday, March 31, 2007:.
-have you seen her?-dang i disappeared for a whole week lol. i wasn't particularly busy with work but i had a night out with sorority sisters and then had to celebrate mommy's birthday (she's 55 now) over the past few days. on top of that my brother and sister in law sent me the cutest email announcing they were pregnant so i got to see mommy do the "i'm going to be a grandma" dance for quite a while. takes a little pressure off of me to have them anytime soon but apparently she'll dance harder because she thinks she's going to have more access to my kids lol. she probably will but it's just weird to hear that. i've got a busy day tomorrow, well later today. i may come back to update you on things or it may wait until sunday. things are good though.
Labels: random
.:Sunday, March 25, 2007:.
-welkom, willkommen, bienvenue, velkommen-clearly i'm in a good mood today even though i missed Roaming Soldier earlier. i had a sorority meeting and He logged on in the middle of it. but i got four hours out of the house and missing good bonding time with mommy kins. the meeting wasn't four hours lol but i was gone for a minute which was good. it's time for leftovers which is good because i wasn't in the mood to cook whatsoever. i missed Him though. i hate when we don't get to talk when He's finally able to get some time to speak to me. i know He loves me though as He told me so and stuff lol.
i've had some interesting dreams but nothing that needs to be analyzed at all. just weird clips of things falling into place that are random but nothing important. now i'm looking at grease you're the one that i want and i'm wondering why this hasn't gone off yet. i did watch a bit of miss usa last night (i think it was last night, could have been friday at this point) and was struck by how you can still skip most of the show and be utterly bored in 10 minutes before they announce the winner. if you like beauty pageants then i'm sorry for saying as much but good lord 10 minutes of strange questions, walking and prancing before a pretty arbitrary decision takes place is just not all that interesting. no i didn't have to watch but they let jerry springer judge which was funny and i'll have to admit to being fascinated by the host walking around on 5 inch hills when she is VERY VERY pregnant. ehhh yippee for miss tennessee (or should that be the former miss tennessee) who won.
nothing much is happening right around the moment. i've been watching silly things on tv and this clip of trapped in the drive thru by weird al which is just too silly. it's long though so if you click on it be warned. now something has come up the last week or so that made me go folks think too much. there's another clip floating around the net of a little boy dancing and singing songs by beyonce and there have been a plethora of comments about the boy, his parents, his sexuality and the like. the thing that makes me scratch my head is why any of that is necessary. most of us sang songs by our favorite artists when we were little. we were just lucky enough not to have parents with video cameras and net access. i didn't watch that clip in its entirety because well i hate beyonce's songs so i didn't feel like listening to it but i'm thinking it's just a little kid. leave the boy alone. i'd hate to have seen what prince would have been bopping around to at the same age in this day and time but i pray it wouldn't be beyonce lol. enjoy weird al though.
.:Wednesday, March 21, 2007:.
-right about now, funk soul brother-apparently i'm feeling pretty silly today and that's okay. our "spring break" is almost over and i don't have to work on friday. i caught up on my paperwork and got one of the recommendations i needed for my licensure application done. now i'm just sorta lolly gagging around the house and playing on pogo to entertain myself. i find myself in a very strange place for a change.
i am just sort of calm. there are no paper to write. no assignments that must be done. just being still and enjoying being in my life at the present moment. i am happy to report that i finally got the paddle i ordered for Him in October--long story--but it looks great and i got a bonus one for my wait so that's always good. my digital camera is having a fit but it's under warranty so they are at least going to attempt to fix it for me. i just had to get a copy of my receipt because i am not one to keep boxes of things i buy especially almost three months after the purchase. but i got that from best buy today and i'll mail that in tomorrow. it takes 7 to 10 business days allegedly so we'll be timing that too.
other than that things are pretty normal. have a fight with mom, make dinner, forget about it, hug her before bed and call it a day. i have been thinking about an april's fool joke but nothing is coming up that seems like it would be fun. i've also been thinking about babies but i think that's just because unlike i firmly believed many many years i actually have a biological clock and it is ticking in time with the new robin thicke cd ROFLMAO. okay so maybe not just in time with that it's quietly starting to find a rhythm. thankfully i have a wonderful man in mind to knock me up when the time comes lol. okay i think that's it for now. be good and i'll lay some new smut on you soon.
Labels: life is good, random
.:Sunday, March 18, 2007:.
-the future of the race-
anyone that has visited my blog for a while knows i have really strange dreams sometimes. well the dream i had last night (well it's last night for me because i still haven't been back to sleep yet) is possibly the strangest one i've had in a while. it didn't start off that way. i was daydreaming about Roaming Soldier tying me up and having His way with me and then all of a sudden i noticed we weren't at our home anymore. as a matter of fact, i couldn't tell where we were. there were kids running around, some that i knew to be ours but others that were totally foreign to me. my mother was no where to be found and while that would normally make me do a happy dance for a while things felt weird. the world it seems was a little post-apocalyptic and now that i'm pondering it i don't think any of my family was around beyond Roaming Soldier and our kids.anyway, so the world doesn't seem quite right and we are no where near home. i see a few famous and pseudo famous black men (actors, athletes, doctors, lawyers, kefla from road rules---no idea why he was there lol) who are ushering us into a meeting place to apparently explain why we were there. these men had been tapped by the remaining leaders of the Black community to gather themselves, their mates or suitable women to help rebuild the Black race from the rubble and chaos that had been present. i turned to look at Roaming Soldier and for some reason He was nodding and just hugged me closer to Him. i was beyond confused as they continued. we had been chosen because we represented the best hope for the community between the intelligence present in the room, the genetic material, and commitment to the community. again i'm still looking around like you have to be kidding me but Roaming Soldier is not moving like we will be leaving anytime soon. the designated leader goes on to say that no one is promised to remain within the confines of this new mecca and that others had already been turned away (wesley snipes had been denied entry for committing "atrocities against the race" they didn't explain and really that just made me laugh because all i could think of was all those interracial love scenes he had done in his movies over the years so i let it go which incidentally is odd because i have several friends and family members that are interracial couples).
the time passes quickly while i'm there. i mingle with lots of the other women as short of farming and setting up schools and basic society needs there isn't a whole lot to do there. there are a fair number of submissive women mixed in with these former lawyers and school teachers and doctors and the like. i say former because well it just didn't look like we were ever going back to those lives. we'd do those things within the new community but that's it. as strange as all of it was i was mostly happy. the only thing i am not particularly sure about was who was sleeping with whom. we all know that RS isn't really down with sharing His little girl. but it seemed like within reason the men that had brought their wives with them were expected to share them with anyone they deemed okay. i did have to finally tell Him that one of the two folks He was considering to be on His short list were getting on my nerves and making me a little creeped out. He told me that was okay and promised they wouldn't bother me anymore. He gave me a kiss and then went off to play with our youngest son. i woke up not too long after that.
now you might be wondering what i ate before bed, nothing at all. i didn't have any stimulating conversation with anyone about the Black community before bedtime. and i do understand that i have been thinking about having kids with Roaming Soldier and manage to work them into most of the smut He inspires but really--little old me as a building block to the rebuilding of Black community seems like a big stretch. i'm short, periodically perceived as rude, finicky as all creation and prone to be bored easily. and if i don't get my music fix i promise i'd be all kinds of a problem. as i'm thinking back on the dream now i can't tell if we were completely cut off from the rest of the world or not. it was just strange. so who thinks i'd be sent packing with Roaming Soldier for telling someone off? ok i haven't eaten since 4PM and i'm starving. any weird dreams i have tonight will be totally explained.
night
red
.:Wednesday, March 14, 2007:.
-deep thoughts by red velvet-anyone remember that skit on Saturday Night Life that had Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy? okay well that's where i stole the title from. i have been thinking about a lot of different things as of late. some of which make perfect sense and some others which are just tangential and i understand that before i bring them up. i'm not sure how long this will be but if you get bored scroll to the post right under this and check out the sugasm links.
well first of all things are going pretty well. work isn't kicking my butt too badly but i do need to finish some paperwork. i started the process to get my last professional hurdle conquered and yippee whenever that happens. the bills seem manageable for a while longer so that's good as well. my mother is crazy but it's a momentary flare up instead of those daily intrusions. her birthday is fast approaching as well but all she wants is an overpriced object i don't want in the house. we'll figure something out of course but until then i get to hear about us (my brother and i) being selfish little brats for not shelling out 2100 for a birthday gift.
i have been roaming blogland as is my want and i'm wondering if i'll ever get to the point that i'm having these deep introspective conversations with myself about my submission. i mean really i can't say i delve too deeply into it all that often. i am a sub, He is my Dom. i give more thought to how we are going to have that relationship with my mother's prying eyes observing on one end and His ever growing daughter's eyes observing on the other. i mean we won't be able to have that nice lounging around in my collar or with the nipple clamps (evil evil bastard things they are) on days unless both the children and the mother have vacated the premises. while i have the capability of being a good quiet little girl, i don't want to necessarily be gagged every time we want to play and the house isn't empty. and even now as i'm having a free flowing thought i'm not getting into the nuts and bolts of what made this work for either of us. i'm thinking of the fun stuff--well fun for me anyway--that goes along with being His.
i'm not sure if we liked each other so naturally because we genuinely found one another stimulating as humans or we found each other so interesting because we both knew the other's orientation. that's a really long sentence i know but it wasn't a typical chance meeting. i knew when we were introduced that He was a Dom that might be interested in having a new sub after a long hiatus. and well He knew upfront that i was a sub that had very recently left her former Dom. we didn't discuss those roles for quite a while into our conversations--we started chatting several hours a night beginning with that very first evening. our flirting wasn't as Dom and sub but more as single man being attracted to single woman. that extra layer was icing on the proverbial cake. the transition came easily enough and we did begin discussing what the other wanted and needed in a bdsm relationship. we aligned there as we had on other issues. He wanted a nice submissive girl with slave tendencies that was rather intelligent and that could handle a long-term relationship as well as His daughter. yippee for me i seemed to be all of those things otherwise there would be no point in moving forward. and i wanted an honest, kinky Dom who understood what i meant when i said i was looking for a "Daddy" type individual, that liked to push boundaries, keep a watchful eye over my brat moments and that wanted to do unspeakably devilish things to each and every inch of my flesh. who knew a girl could be that lucky lol?
He doesn't demand much from me. there are a few things i do now that i only do because He has asked me to do so but even those aren't terribly stress inducing. and one of them i've started to like as much as i'm sure He does. of course there always exist the possibility of more rules and demands coming forth but knowing Him as i do i can't imagine them being ones that invoked a lot of stress in me. at one point i started thinking maybe i'm not doing something right because i wasn't fearful of Roaming Soldier. He didn't/doesn't terrify me. i don't think He wants to 90 percent of the time. the 10 percent He wants to do so i'm sure He will with no major problems there. of course there is some slack that has to be given because He's been gone and i have really just been in supportive submissive role. when He's been home for a while, i'll revisit the whole depth of submission thing. until then be good and or be really good at being bad.
Labels: Daddy, introspective, random
.:Saturday, March 10, 2007:.
-and in breaking news...-there's nothing much to tell you. life is good here mostly. i am off call thank god. i slept great last night but i am still feeling sleepy more often than not as of late. if it was possible to get pregnant by a man thousands of miles away then i might be worried but since i know it's not then i'm just going to go with i'm probably having another anemic spell. i don't have a lot going on which is good as well. mommy and me are having a good time for a change. she's still crazy but right now it's the funny crazy instead of the annoying crazy. i haven't heard from my soldier in a little while and that always makes me nervous as all get out but i'm trusting that He's