.:Thursday, October 16, 2008:.
-bad dreams, good mornings-the last few months have been an emotional roller coaster for me. i have been up and down with work, up and down with my mom, and up and down with my romantic life. every time i think one is stable another screws up and right now they are all setting my cute little ass in the fire. the work thing is calming down now and nothing but time and more bodies to do the job will make that better. my mother is leaving town to go see my niece soon so that will give me a brief respite from all of the chaos that comes from living with a crazy old woman. which only leaves my love life and i swear i can make things as complicated as blindfolded calculus when you're already drunk and horny.
you know from my previous post my up and down moods are a somewhat tied to not having those arms late at night. and while waiting didn't seem like such a big deal when i was speaking with RS more regularly, we haven't really talked this year at all which has made the wait less and less palatable. i'm sure some of you will wonder what the sanctuary post was about if i was getting ready to bump RS out of the picture. i do still care about RS, a lot, but over the last few months i've spent a lot of time with someone else and have grown to love them. they have been there through some of my roughest crashes about the state of my life and just things that have been overwhelming me the more disconnected i've grown from RS and partially from the lifestyle. being with Him has made me calm and encouraged and renew myself in my submission. of course with all things in my life the situation is complicated so His arms aren't here every night either but He is very involved in my life and always there when i need Him most. the room makeover was a present for both of us for being honest with each other and trying to embrace whatever we have building between us.
a few nights i had a very bad dream. so bad that i sat up at nearly 5 am and couldn't go back to sleep to save my life. i turned on my computer and He was there. we talked through the dream and a tantrum i had earlier in the evening. i didn't go back to sleep but left for work happy and smiling. then my zune had to decide what kind of mood it was in, mostly it was happy so we sped to work singing along and happy. that day was my short day so the lack of sleep wasn't as much of a killer as it could have been. but He was there as He normally is saying and doing unexpectedly sweet things. so ignoring the fact that i only slept for three hours and didn't get to stay at home until after i ran an errand my mind was feeling clear. so i sat down to work on this but it wasn't ready to be posted so i gave y'all the other brief synopsis first.
it's not how i normally handle things. i would normally wait until i had a clear indication from my partner before i made any decisions. i do like to be a good girl after all. had things gone as planned i'd either be on my honeymoon or celebrating my anniversary. but plans haven't held. i most assuredly never planned on feeling the way i do about the person in my life now. it was a surprise, a welcome one, but most definitely a surprise. as long as He wants to be in my life and allows me in His i'll keep calling on Him because He makes things all right.
Labels: Daddy, dreams, life is good, update
.:Wednesday, August 29, 2007:.
-okay maybe sleeping is overrated-so i went to bed late last night but not super late for me. as reward for me getting more rest i had a very bizarre dream. i was in a cabin with my mother and brother and needed to go shower so i could go to campus. my brother walked me out to the facilities and went into another shower area while i went into the "girls" area and ran into one of the girls from my doctoral cohort. we looked down and screamed which brought my brother over to see what had us screaming and there was a man in drag handcuffed under the grate. my brother shook his head and walked off as i was saying call the cops. cuffy said leave him alone and let him take his punishment like a big girl. my friend and brother "reminded" me of who cuffy was and then i got dressed and we walked the mile or so to campus.
as soon as i got there, we parted ways and i ended up on a train/bus to an amusement park. my niece was there, she was like four instead of sixteen but still there, looking adorable and i was talking to Roaming Soldier but i couldn't see His face. someone that i liked to flirt with was there too but he was the one sitting with me not RS. so we go to the park and everyone is having fun and i am very confused but am enjoying the flirting so i continue it. we take the kids to get some food and have to stop them from eating on the floor. we had been arguing once we went out for food, me and the other women there, about where to go and how to get there because they kept getting lost and getting on my nerves. then all of a sudden flirty starts getting on my nerves and says something rude that makes me upset. i want to leave but of course i didn't drive plus my niece is having a blast so it would be mean to take her out. so i'm sitting there looking frustrated and then RS walks over to my end of the table and He leaned over and kissed me. He told me that everything would be okay after He broke the kiss and then i woke up.
it was so odd and that's what i get for going to bed on time lol. see y'all
red
Labels: dreams
.:Friday, May 11, 2007:.
-the sweetest thing i've ever known-...was like the kiss on a collar bone.....
that's what i woke up this morning thinking. and i mean i woke up this morning lol. i didn't wake up with my normal grumpy the hell time is it please let me sleep for 30 more minutes and i promise i'll get up mantra. i woke up, brushed my teeth, took my shower and was getting dressed when i realized it. but i was so focused on the end of a really sweet dream that i couldn't really stop myself. it was blissful ESPECIALLY after sucking on peyton's finger just damn ewwww. off tangent if you hear of a really tall Black man pimp slapping peyton somewhere know that Roaming Soldier did not appreciate his appearance in my dream one little bit lol. that whole conversation was weird but i digress. i'm not going to share this dream because honestly i want Him to hear about it first. once He knows then i'll touch base with y'all about it. but as weird as the last dream was, this one was all things sweet and light and i woke up feeling loved which is an amazing feeling if you have never experienced it. could have just been my brain rewarding me for finally going to bed on time and waking up on time but i will take it each and every day if it means i wake up like that.
i do need to get in the bed now. i need to write Him a letter to send with His cards and stuff since i can't send myself. well i could but knowing our military i'd end up four bases away from His and wondering what happened to all the paddles and things that were packed with me. okay that's not fair. it's not the military that has us all screwed up over there. it's that "commander guy" who is to blame. that is taking away from my high though. mailing myself might be more interesting if it didn't require a transatlantic voyage and had potty facilities OH and if i knew for certain once i got there they'd leave us alone for at least an hour or twelve. okay listen to lauryn hill and you'll get the title and first line if you don't already know.
love ya
red
Labels: dreams, life is good
.:Monday, May 07, 2007:.
-dream interpretation stat-okay i can't blame this on what i ate cause i went to bed well after i ate. i can't blame this on something i was watching because really i was watching cartoons. this was just apparently a weird dream night. at first i was either dating jerry springer or dating robin thicke and was being interviewed by jerry springer because paula patton had called the show pissed off. now i think jerry is a sweet old man and as white guys go robin thicke is kinda purty but neither one of them are on my wouldn't it be nice to date now radar.
the next part of the dream was equally bizarre. i was on the camera crew for flavor of love season 1 and i was in charge of following new york and someone else around. all i kept thinking was this poor idiot just doesn't know what's good for her and she needs to raise up out of here. well that and i'm not remotely sure how the hell any of this is going to be usable footage. i went out for a smoke break and never came back. that led to the last part of the dream.
i was on a train in tokyo. i was confused as hell though and thought i was going to miss an appointment. i got off at this station and walked over to the help desk to figure out where i was supposed to be going. betty white was working the help desk, yes THE betty white, and she asked me how she could help me. so i told her and she said oh honey you are just flustered go upstairs and get something to eat. so i went up the cafeteria and ran into this lovely chocolate man that i don't know from adam but who was apparently looking for me. we hugged and then went through the line to get something to eat. as we were checking out i bumped into peyton manning. yeah that peyton manning. choco cutie introduces me like i'm some random girl who doesn't watch sports lol and i say yeah i know who he is we were in school in tennessee at the same time and i lived in indiana while he was playing. peyton jokes that i must be following him and now i caught him. i indignantly say i'm not looking for you and if i was trying to catch you then i would have done so by now. he shook his finger at me a la dikembe mutumbo and it got close enough to my mouth that i started sucking it and didn't stop till i saw that look that men get when their little quarterback gets all ready to hike the ball. i let it go with a pop and he looked confused before he said if i get divorced it's your fault. choco friend smirked and took me off to a table and i woke up.
da hell is all of that? can someone PLEASE help me out here? really now this was weird i mean i HATE peyton manning. i'm glad he finally won but mainly for tony dungy and because if he choked this time indiana would have imploded lol. there's no way in creation i'd suck on anything peyton ever gave me. just eww.
.:Sunday, March 18, 2007:.
-the future of the race-
anyone that has visited my blog for a while knows i have really strange dreams sometimes. well the dream i had last night (well it's last night for me because i still haven't been back to sleep yet) is possibly the strangest one i've had in a while. it didn't start off that way. i was daydreaming about Roaming Soldier tying me up and having His way with me and then all of a sudden i noticed we weren't at our home anymore. as a matter of fact, i couldn't tell where we were. there were kids running around, some that i knew to be ours but others that were totally foreign to me. my mother was no where to be found and while that would normally make me do a happy dance for a while things felt weird. the world it seems was a little post-apocalyptic and now that i'm pondering it i don't think any of my family was around beyond Roaming Soldier and our kids.anyway, so the world doesn't seem quite right and we are no where near home. i see a few famous and pseudo famous black men (actors, athletes, doctors, lawyers, kefla from road rules---no idea why he was there lol) who are ushering us into a meeting place to apparently explain why we were there. these men had been tapped by the remaining leaders of the Black community to gather themselves, their mates or suitable women to help rebuild the Black race from the rubble and chaos that had been present. i turned to look at Roaming Soldier and for some reason He was nodding and just hugged me closer to Him. i was beyond confused as they continued. we had been chosen because we represented the best hope for the community between the intelligence present in the room, the genetic material, and commitment to the community. again i'm still looking around like you have to be kidding me but Roaming Soldier is not moving like we will be leaving anytime soon. the designated leader goes on to say that no one is promised to remain within the confines of this new mecca and that others had already been turned away (wesley snipes had been denied entry for committing "atrocities against the race" they didn't explain and really that just made me laugh because all i could think of was all those interracial love scenes he had done in his movies over the years so i let it go which incidentally is odd because i have several friends and family members that are interracial couples).
the time passes quickly while i'm there. i mingle with lots of the other women as short of farming and setting up schools and basic society needs there isn't a whole lot to do there. there are a fair number of submissive women mixed in with these former lawyers and school teachers and doctors and the like. i say former because well it just didn't look like we were ever going back to those lives. we'd do those things within the new community but that's it. as strange as all of it was i was mostly happy. the only thing i am not particularly sure about was who was sleeping with whom. we all know that RS isn't really down with sharing His little girl. but it seemed like within reason the men that had brought their wives with them were expected to share them with anyone they deemed okay. i did have to finally tell Him that one of the two folks He was considering to be on His short list were getting on my nerves and making me a little creeped out. He told me that was okay and promised they wouldn't bother me anymore. He gave me a kiss and then went off to play with our youngest son. i woke up not too long after that.
now you might be wondering what i ate before bed, nothing at all. i didn't have any stimulating conversation with anyone about the Black community before bedtime. and i do understand that i have been thinking about having kids with Roaming Soldier and manage to work them into most of the smut He inspires but really--little old me as a building block to the rebuilding of Black community seems like a big stretch. i'm short, periodically perceived as rude, finicky as all creation and prone to be bored easily. and if i don't get my music fix i promise i'd be all kinds of a problem. as i'm thinking back on the dream now i can't tell if we were completely cut off from the rest of the world or not. it was just strange. so who thinks i'd be sent packing with Roaming Soldier for telling someone off? ok i haven't eaten since 4PM and i'm starving. any weird dreams i have tonight will be totally explained.
night
red
.:Tuesday, February 20, 2007:.
-under the weather-hey folks not sure how long this will be. i am feeling kind of off today. while i normally try to catch a little more sleep every morning after my first alarm, this morning after i done everything but put on my pants and shoes i climbed back in bed again and had to fight to get out of bed so i could make it to work before my first client. i have had an on again off again headache since i woke up and right now it's on and dull and achy. i feel very run down which is odd because i have been sleeping more than normal. now i've been having some strange dreams while i've been sleeping but i've been sleeping more.
speaking of which let me just say that i'm not eating before bed so that's not it but over the last week i have dreamt that a pregnant friend (one who isn't really pregnant right now by the way) went into labor in an icy parking lot and my mother rushed her to the hospital only to find out once everyone arrived that the baby was stillborn--that was last night's gift to my psyche AND i dreamt that i woke up happy as a lark one day (what i wanted to use the word lark so sue me) and was talking to someone about Roaming Soldier that just stared at me. when i finally realized that they weren't talking i asked them what the problem was and they were like baby i don't know anyone named Roaming Soldier and neither do you. so i went on and on about him and they said the same thing. i called Night Owl and said the strangest thing happened and relayed the story to her and she was like well i do know someone named Twin Soldier (RS's brother of course) but he doesn't have a twin. i woke up after that and had grab all of my teddy bears before i could go back to sleep. aren't those weird?
and following along with the weird tangent. i spoke to a friend last night that i hadn't spoken to in a while. instead of it being a productive catch up session it turned into a "why would you agree to marry someone you barely know?" conversation. as apparently i'm supposed to be the level headed one that thinks through things carefully and only acts when i'm sure i'm headed the right direction she found my behavior odd at best and most assuredly questioned my judgement in all of this. to me all of those qualities should have gotten me a little bit of slack as far as i'm concerned as i have NEVER seriously considered spending my life with anyone as long as most of my friends have known me. truth be told i used to refer to boyfriends as my future ex husbands because i couldn't fathom being married to anyone for any length of time. now the nifty thing about me is i tend to take everything in stride when i can. but this just got on my nerves. i didn't say 2 days after Roaming Soldier gets home we are going to run off to the first minister we meet and get married. for one thing He'd be in a world of shit if we didn't get married in a traditional Catholic ceremony and most importantly i think we both know that we have to spend time together before we could even imagine actually moving beyond thinking, "i want to marry this person who has changed my life in ways i never imagined." so let me ask those of you who are still polite enough to pop by--am i somehow abnormal for recognizing Roaming Soldier as someone i could happily and would love to spend the rest of my life with? is it strange to just know this person had to bump into you in order for both of you to be happy at this time and in this place? if it is i'll accept being strange but i want some feedback. i'll probably not see it till i'm back in bed but i wanted to know.
see ya
red
Labels: dreams, feel gross, random
.:Wednesday, December 13, 2006:.
-what did you eat before bed?-the last few nights have been interesting, to say the least, in the mind of red. as i've gotten closer and closer to graduation (and my birthday yippee!) my brain has ventured further and further off my typical stressful dreams momentarily interuppted by strange events or kinky thoughts about Roaming Soldier. the last two nights to be precise have started off pretty normal only to turn into these intensely steamy sexual situations with literally no prompting. i've been super tired the last few nights so i've even managed to fall asleep early and it hasn't helped a bit in staving off the damn near pornographic images (even though last night had porn stars in it) from flooding my brain. normally when i have weird dreams people ask what i had to eat before i went to bed. well monday i had an orgasm and last night i had some ice cream but that's it. now where was i? okay so smutty dreams that don't start off that way. and there's no cheesy porno type lead in. i'm just minding my business and then boom naked and enjoying myself.
monday night i dreamt about being on a talk show with my girlfriends from undergrad. doesn't start off too bad. one is pregnant so she's at home getting ready to have her kid. the other three of us are sitting around talking about relationships, kids and sex potentially but nothing too intense. i'm getting bored, but i do that because i periodically have the shortest attention span known to man, and am very glad when someone finally yells cut and lets us leave for the day. i kiss them goodbye and hop in my car to head home. the driver pulls off and this is where it gets blurry. either i'm having sex with Roaming Soldier in the back of the limo while people are watching us or someone that RS knows is having sex with me while He watches and critiques the performance. now that first one is off in far far away land as far as potential to happen is concerned. that second one ROFLMAO i would absolutely stunned if RS was ever that willing to share His little girl. okay so yeah i wake up and shake my head after that and wonder what exactly brought that on.
last night i was in my house. nice huge house with a master bedroom that was so luscious i can see never wanting to leave it. the bathroom, only a girl who enjoys being in nice hot showers or long warm soaks could appreciate fully, was stunning and i found myself playing around in there longer than i anticipated. my husband, at least i am thinking it's Roaming Soldier but this person doesn't fit the height requirement lol, walks up behind me and starts hugging me at first. before i know it He's groping whatever He can get His hands on and then we're messing around on the floor before i go after my bottle. i'm enjoying it, He's DEFINITELY enjoying it and so for a moment we don't notice the bathroom door has opened and His friend is trying to pull me towards him and shove himself down my throat. i looked over at RS, who at this point is starting to look like Brian Pumper for some damn reason, and He still has His eyes closed i guess thinking i was going to get something to toy with Him with. the friend had been watching us and was close to getting off which is apparently why he wanted my mouth. before he could get it across my lips good RS got up and yanked him out of the bathroom and shut and locked the door. the friend is complaining that he was almost done and RS basically tells him that if he doesn't get away from the door in the next five seconds that He would be forced to hurt him. the interruption now over, i crawled over to Him and started sucking on my bottle again before i woke up--again shaking my head. anyone got any ideas what that's all about besides me being horny and wanting Him home?
all right moving on. i swear i hear and see the strangest things sometimes. now i don't hate kanye west but i would have to think twice about saving him if it meant he would keep putting out badly named records (i mean shouldn't you register late for classes BEFORE you drop out of college?). so imagine the giggle on my face as i read the article linked here (please click on the word here in bold to read the article). kanye done pissed off evel knievel and yes i meant to type it just like that lol. oh the giggles the giggles i tell you.
last night i watch the unit for a change instead of criminal intent. don't get me wrong i love CI but i hate it when bobby's not on there and he hasn't been on for a few weeks now. i know they brought back these other characters to give bobby a break but damn it i want bobby lol. okay moving on. it was a good storyline last night for both of the subplots. i enjoyed them both and i love looking at Jonas Blane and i guess it gave my Molly moments a boost. the whole black ops storyline was good too and i'm thinking our hapless pilot will be back on another episode.
Labels: dreams, random, smut, videos
.:Monday, July 24, 2006:.
-the hell was going on with me???-
i rarely dream about children. i have more since Roaming Soldier has come into my life and i'm sure that's not a coincidence but really it's more of an idle daydream. He's being particularly nice because He knocked me up with triplets or Littlest Soldier is reading to her little brothers while i enjoy a big bowl of ice cream resting on my belly. all is right in the world yep, very sappy but good daydreams. last night though i dreamt that by the strangest twist of fate we had a set of triplets and twins born on the same day. yes i know the photo is of six babies but the sex is right in the photo so i went with this one instead of the quints i found. for some reason it was taking us a while to conceive and we were beginning to think i couldn't so we went the surrogate route. she promptly got pregnant with our triplets--three little boys. about a month later, i guess without the pressure of having to get knocked up i just did and wouldn't you know there are twin girls hatching in me. needless to say all i kept thinking in the dream was this man has POTENT sperm lol. our due dates were about five weeks apart but the doctors said if everything looked okay close to the triplets delivery they could just induce me and keep the twins if they needed to but the girls took after their mother and were strong and healthy as soon as they popped out about ten minutes after their older brothers. now i have to say that i would feel horrible for them because the boys would always be able to say they were older and thus do older brother things like ruin all relationships and scaring away anyone that thinks their sisters were cute. but at the end of the day we had five babies to take home and Littlest Soldier was overjoyed. of course by the time they actually released us and we had outfitted something resembling a small tank to take home our now six children i was close to having a panic attack. who in the world thinks i should have kids let alone five of them??? Roaming Soldier calmed me down and Littlest Soldier was an absolute dream but damn i had FIVE babies lol. ahh well, i was dreaming of Him so it can never be a bad thing. He smiled when i told Him about it so that's always good. yeah i love that Man. okay enough of the sappy sappy. back to Hell's Kitchen.
Labels: dreams
.:Wednesday, June 21, 2006:.
-funny how time flies when you're making love-does anyone remember that song? i used to love that song. it never occurred to me that i'd find out how true that was until much much later after hearing it. not because i hadn't had sex by then, red was an early bloomer in all respects, but because there is a difference between having sex and making love. it's a distinction that tends to get women in trouble because well for a minute there if penis is going into vagina it's all about love. it would be great if that was always the case. that that insertion is all about connection and emotion and hearts bursting instead of loins on fire in need of release. i had sex a LOT before i made love. and i have to say it was at that moment i realized i was in love with the man in question. even the two of us had had sex before and good sex--mind numbing, ridiculous orgasm producing, lustful, toe curling sex--before that moment when time sorta stood still or so it seemed until that last sigh and moan escaped my lips and we fell into a sweaty lump of cuddle. lol yeah i know interesting description but there was a different level of intensity to that connection. yes penis still went into vagina but minds and emotions went with it for a change. well that's not true minds were always involved as we were in a tiny battle of wills as to who would give in first so we would make it a point of thinking of things to make the other one whimper but i digress. i'm sure you are wondering what this has to do with now especially since Roaming Soldier is thousands of miles away and i am not the type of girl who's head gets turned by any old average joe especially since i need a Dom esque man if i can't get a full out Dom.
well here's the thing. i've been oversleeping a lot lately. if my alarm goes off at all i don't hear it. they are always nights that i go to bed early and feel rested when i wake up in the morning. the problem is i'm dead to the world because i'm lost in my dreams. dreams of Roaming Soldier and i are having the most blissful amazing intense moments in bed with one another. don't get me wrong, the sex is oh my GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODNESS. but it's being with Him and feeling His hands trace my skin and His lips brush against mine and hearing Him laughing as He smiles down at me. yeah that's what getting me caught up and refusing to acknowledge the rest of the world is waiting for me. while i would again much rather have Him home, each word exchanged, each kiss happily received through the digital world, each dream and shared thought is Him making love to me now and they are all wonderful. i stopped and looked at the first conversation we ever had a few days ago. it literally wasn't that long ago but it seems like He has known me forever and has been waiting for me to just recognize i had been looking for Him. truthfully we could have met nearly five years ago had my graduate school choice been different but that whole timing thing would have bit us in the ass then. He was still married and happy and i would have never stepped over that line. instead we're meeting now and we're in a better space to receive one another. now i'm just waiting for the time to fly when He's next to me.
night all
red
Labels: dreams
.:Wednesday, May 31, 2006:.
-a quickie in a quick dream-okay yeah i know i just posted a few hours ago but truthfully i'm needing to post this to process something lol. UMM THIS IS THE ONLY WARNING I CAN GIVE YA, IF YOUR BRAIN IS PRONE TO MELTING STOP READING NOW!!! i got out of the shower, wrapped up in my towel and headed back to bed---standard procedure when i wake up earlier than i want to. i set my alarm for about thirty minutes later and went back to sleep. during that thirty minutes i dreamt i had a roommate (and not momma oh good lord thank YOU, i digress) who let in someone to the apartment and said she's in there. now i remember thinking in the dream this can't be RS as He's not even on this continent but it had to be based on what happened later. so whomever this is comes into the bedroom and starts rubbing between my thighs. i start moaning a little and it feels like he's starting to undress. did i mention i was in a towel in the dream too? anyway i was lol and i pulled it down a bit so he could get to my breasts. he leaned over me and started sucking on my nipples and i started moaning louder. he stopped then climbed on the other side of me in bed. he was much taller than me---not that that is a difficult thing to achieve by any means---and i felt myself being sorta dwarfed next to him. good feeling might i add but all of a sudden i was feeling something else. he placed his dick in my hand and started sucking on my neck and told me squeeze Daddy good. not that i wasn't wet at that stage but it was an instant puddle. i stroked while he sucked and played with my nipples and before i knew it i was on my side, towel still hanging on for dear life, and being slow fucked from behind by my guest. it was delicious and entirely too realistic as i woke up feeling quite full lol. i don't think either of us came in the dream but it was a nice mental fuck. okay back to work for me lol.
Labels: dreams
.:Thursday, April 27, 2006:.
-oh gawd why am i awake-okay folks i am ot a morning person. i never have been and never will be. if i was up in the morning and happy it was because i didn't go to sleep yet. every fiber of my being fights consciousness before 9 am and the sad part of it is i am usually in my office getting ready to see my first clients of the day then. i feel bad for anyone that sees me that early. i'm awake and i'm aware that they are talking but oh how i wish they were just ready to take a nap. anyhoo, so i'm awake and after having a pretty productive supervision session i am now here to beguile you with bawdy tales and lusty yearnings. there's only one TINY problem there--nothing bawdy is going on in my life right now lol. the lusty stuff i'll share shortly i'm sure but no real life blow by blows are happening right now. back to my "life" for a moment--it feels disjointed in a sense. i am very much enjoying Roaming Soldier and our connection. that is almost immediately tempered by thoughts of the Littlest Soldier hating my guts lol. okay i know it's unlikely and she's a sweet girl who has been relaying messages to me through Night Owl for the last day or so. and today her box of toys will arrive so we'll see if i did good there. but i'm trying to enjoy the plans the grown ups are making will still trying to be polite to the small person that has been there long before i was even an idea let alone a reality for Roaming Soldier. at least i do that while i'm awake. my dreams are a totally different story. i'm not being a wicked stepmother or anything and i always see her with us but dreams are often the best case scenarios lol. the one that follows is no different. warning time--nothing is standing out now as brain melty but if after writing it something does crop up i'll be back to ammend the warning. right now the scale is about a 1.0 and more than anything it will make you go awwwwwwwwwwww and you know how much i hate that.
it's a simple dream. one i've probably been having for years and just wasn't able to put a name to the person. Roaming Soldier and i are just relaxing at home. the kids are roaming around the house and children do. a ten year old girl is desperately trying to hide from a pair of inquisitive two year old boys and i am enjoying being still for five minutes. no one is screaming, no one needs anything and Daddy (lol) is surveying all of this from the spot on the sofa he has commandered. He pulls me close to him and i giggle (did i mention i'm not a giggler by the way) as i try to escape his grasp. it doesn't work, it never does and we fall into a familar but highly enjoyable habit. He strokes my hair and i whisper that i couldn't imagine being happier than i am at that moment. the calm is momentarily broken as children show up eager to be fed and the phone rings. He grabs the phone while i grab babies lol and everyone heads for the dinner table. He's smiling at me and nods which means that was the call from the nice doctor woman to tell me we're expecting again and surprise it's more twins. now why she didn't tell me that at the office i can't explain i just know that's what happened. oh and this set are girls so the hormonal balance in the household is jutting back over to estrogen lol. we both laugh, the kids are actually excited and we have dinner. phone calls to relatives and friends are made including my mother who is off on vacation somewhere lol. and after the kids have been put to bed and a warm bath of our own we discuss the fact that we aren't having any more kids lol. well at least i discuss it and RS laughs at me. and i wake up as we drift off into a pleasant sleep.
lord my dreams are getting sappy.
talk to you all later
red
ps for anyone that is waiting for it lol the next installment of the cookie peddler will be up either today or tomorrow
| People Envy Your Energy |
 You've got the drive and determination to keep your life in order, and you are on track to be a huge success. People tend to envy all you've got in life, but they don't understand the work that goes behind it! |
.:Sunday, March 26, 2006:.
-what dreams may come & should go-okay i have to get this first part out before it rots my brain and makes me very unhappy. not sure how long it will be but i am almost positive that something more interesting will come right after it. and for the life of me my brain must be in rot central because i am watching james bond (old james bond) and haven't decided to change it yet. i am mad at myself but yet i haven't grabbed the remote. the shame and the horror because it isn't even sean connery's bond it's roger moore's. i mean a good bond to be sure but sean connery just makes me fan myself. yes he's old enough to be my great grandfather most likely but he's got the best voice. okay where was i? oh yes the dream lol.
i dream a lot, sometimes i put effort into remembering other times i happily forget. i have been trying to dump this one but the shower just convinced me to hammer it out and we'll go from there. so here's the deal. i was working at school, woo big shocker there, and i was trying to figure out why i was in that part of the campus as the class i was teaching was at least a ten minute walk from there. that's right i forgot a presentation so i am scurrying up several flights of stairs and in my rushing i drop my cell phone. normally not a huge deal but i was on it and as the damn thing fell the LCD screen cracked. and not one of those polite little chips but one of those i am about to leak hazardous material in your ear cracks. so i pick it up and find myself quite annoyed but i go do the presentation and call the company so they can replace it. they swear that they will ship it out immediately so i can get it tomorrow i say okay and hope i don't need to make any calls anytime soon.
when i get back to my office there is a package with the cell phone i ordered in it but it doesn't look like the one from cell phone provider. that thought goes in and out of my brain as it seems to be working perfectly and i alternate between the two until i get over to where i am meeting friends for a late lunch. we laugh and giggle and they pick up the tab for me since i just dropped a load on the phone. i thought i heard a familiar chuckle but there should have been no reason between heaven and earth for it to be there so i discounted it until i spun around to walk out and saw Emperor sitting in a booth entertaining a waitress until he saw me and then he waved. i'm sure my face made the "what the hell are you doing here" face at him but i waved, made sure i had everything i needed and ran out to my car. he must have paid her already because he just followed me out. my girls were milling around and followed us both out. he ran to catch me and did so at the car. he started talking about being worried about me and he had heard something that made him come find me (i really had apparently disappeared from his life).
i asked what would have made him hunt me down and he told me he had run into some ex (of mine)and a friend of his (of that ex not Emperor lol) that were joking about me falling on hard times and they had to look me up because i would finally marry him (the ex) now. now let me just say that me and the ex had a running joke that we'd marry one another if either of us fell on super hard times but ewww how bizarre would that be for my former Dom to run into this random ex? ok i know my friends and they are asses and the two he mentioned would have been that stupid but really as long as a school is open somewhere i should be okay. he had heard some other things after he hired someone to look for me and either i was newly divorced, my husband had died, or my mother had died really i'm unsure. by this time my girls are trying to comfort him because he looks distraught and i am standing here like wtf is going on. i move everyone out of the way because he is really starting to look bad and i give him a hug and assure him i'm all right. i appreciate that he's come but my life is okay at the present moment. someone remarks over my shoulder that he's done an awful lot to prove he still cares about me. i glance back and shoot her and evil look but before i can say anything he chimes in with of course i still care about her. we ended things badly even if neither one of us was holding a grudge. he hadn't expected me to move on so quickly but he couldn't begrudge me that as i hadn't done that with him. after a while he just felt foolish trying to keep in touch so he didn't. all sounds plausible right? i mean that is what i hope someone would say to me but the rest of it. the above and beyond displays of emotion for him just threw me off and it gets better lol. i let him go at that point and said i needed to get my friends home but maybe we could talk later. they all volunteered to get dropped off with one friend so that the two of us could talk. again i shot everyone one of those da hell is wrong with y'all glances and agreed. we drove away together, they got out about ten minutes later, and we got to my place to talk. he said he had made a mistake will never EVER admit that even when it is the case to me and that he needed to apologize to me see previous note. he knew i was stunned and gave me time to process. i made a drink instead and asked him why now, why was this important to tell me now. he actually had been very concerned about me not making it on my own and just wanted to make sure i was okay. i handed him a drink and sat down on a couch opposite him and was happy to wake up a short time later. nothing had been resolved and nothing had gotten too intense but talk about a way to screw up the happy thoughts i was having before bed.
don't get me wrong Emperor was one of the single most important men in my life for what he gave me and allowed me to explore about myself. but unless it is really warranted i tend to avoid daydreaming about my ex's especially when they have made it crystal clear that they no longer want to be romantically involved with me. and in this case we were on two different wavelengths with that which is even more of a reason to not let my brain drift off like this. now i know you are thinking she's tripping. it was just a dream and dreams don't mean anything. on the whole you are most likely right. it was a subconscious manifestation of emotions left festering in my neural pathways. again i say most likely you are right, it just had the feel of one of those random give it x number of months and this scene will be playing out exactly and you have a decision to make when it does. didn't i insinuate by now that i will not enjoy and do not desire to play that out. we said good-bye to that and i'd prefer to leave it that way. so whatever powers that be that control my predictive dreams can we cancel that last one and play out the first one i had last night.
i was with Roaming Soldier (FINALLY LOL and how unexpected) and having sated our need to both inflict and receive pain, he was buried deeply inside me and we were moving only when necessary to relieve pressure. i haven't done that in ages by the way. just connect to one another and let the pleasure of just being able to touch one another shove you into happy endorphin range. i highly recommend it lol. it was so nice. the sweat was dripping off of us that was there due to friction and excitement of the moment. fingers, tongues, bodies all happily pressed together. it was a lovely postlude to that intense unleashing of the beast that occurred moments before it and i know was sparked by the sweet smile i went to bed with after i heard from him. i won't get into more detail than that right now but i'm feeling another sugasm post being created. it's amazing how much water has been tied to my thoughts of him and that one i can't explain at all. i do enjoy the smiling though. so yes my dreams are strange and twisted but i would prefer to just have the ones that make me blush and not the ones that make me think.
okay i have channeled my inner babbler enough, see ya
red
Labels: dreams, introspective
.:Sunday, January 01, 2006:.
-let's smack baby new year on the behind-i am awake, i have been because my mother woke me up at 10 lol, but that also meant i had gone nearly comotose the minute she went back to her bedroom. which meant, glory of glories---i slept alonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnne. oh it was beautiful, wonderful, fantastic even. no kittens were destroyed but i had a lovely dream about making Emperor that happiest little sadistic dom on the face of the earth. i'm sure we had copious amounts of playtime but for once i really don't recall any of that. i just remember the warm fuzzy feeling i had in the dream because He was staring at me in a way that made me assured that i had been a great pet. lovely feeling, lovely lovely feeling. now if i can just get Him in the same zip code i will have to bid you wonderful folks adieu. at least for the length of time that i can get that warm fuzzy feeling.
anyhoo, enjoy your 2006 and please don't watch too much football lol. go make your own warm fuzzy feelings.
Labels: dreams, life is good
.:Monday, December 26, 2005:.
-bad dreams because of the bad subverse juju-i had a bad dream last night, not one that hasn't happened before but it still makes me uneasy when it reoccurs. after what has been a pretty good weekend all things considered with my family and Emperor through our contact, my brain took off to parts unknown and revisited my current greatest fear: that Emperor will leave and for someone that more readily fits His ideal. the fear had dissipated right around my birthday. not sure if it was endorphin high or what but it was gone and i was happy i'll be honest. then last night as if it never left i was sitting and listening to Him tell me how blissfully happy He now was with His perfect sub that required no training who was 5'7 and 120 pounds and who's luxuriously long hair was great for pulling. He wished me well and then invited me to His wedding. of course i woke up in a panic. i had a missed call and was hoping i really had dreamt all of that and not hung up on Him in the middle of the night when He shared the news. the last forty minutes i've been writing Him an email about all of this but i haven't sent it. i doubt i will. my fear will manage to consume me soon and i'll just bottle it up next to the should have been opened and saved myself some trouble at the time bottles. i know i always say knowing the truth is better than living a lie with my clients but guess what that's not true. living a lie can be quite pleasant for at least one person involved especially if they are unaware that it is a lie. ahh but there's the rub i don't know a damn thing. i just had a bad dream and He has done nothing to warrant it or my panic about the dream. i want to just go back to bed and have a more pleasant dream but i don't think i can as it's nearly lunchtime and my family is mostly awake now. oh god this sucks.
Labels: dreams, life not good
.:Thursday, December 22, 2005:.
-okay so it's three days before christmas-and my normally calm self is well damn near comatose. work is boring with a capital BORING. there are only three of us in my office not including the secretary. we all look and sound like we'd rather be somewhere else and save one client i'm worried about and some paperwork that will take me all of five minutes to do, yeah nothing is going on in my nicely sized box. even if i turned on the radio and danced around a bit that would only kill a few minutes before i was back to feeling like eeyore lol. don't get me wrong i LOVE eeyore but lord he's dull. so what's a girl to do when she's bored off her butt and it's three days before christmas? heck if i know so someone please tell me so i can do it. tonight i get to clean and organize things so when mommy comes then it's just yip yip yippee, good old times around casa del red.
we have to find her a bedroom set when she gets here which should kill one of my afternoons but beyond that everything has been prepped for d-day. i love her but really how horrible was i in a past life that my mother moves in with me at 30? okay moving on.
strange dream report time: i've had a series of odd ones again. a few nights ago i was off somewhere arguing with Emperor (i know the horror the horror). He had gone out with someone else--strictly platonic according to Him but i am of course overly emotional for some unknown reason. we argue around it in circles for a while before He finally tells me to shut up and gives me what has been in His hand in His pocket for a while cause it's all moist lol. it LOOKS like ring box but who would give their insolent sub a ring box in the middle of an argument? i open it up and surprise it's a ring, a nice platinum engagement ring with a nearly flawless two carat diamond. i woke up after i looked up at Him and He was smiling at me. strange n'est pas?
okay and then last night. i had a dream that i was on this big brother type show, which i would never do because i love tv entirely too much to be cut off from it. even when nothing is on it i need the background noise. anyhoo, i was on the show and they gave us like 24 hours to get out of the house and see our family and friends and whatever. so we hit the mall and then were followed by some strange men until we got back to the house to use the cars they gave us. so now i'm driving off with another contestant and somewhere in that drive we picked up Emperor. He sat behind me as i was driving and periodically would just reach out and touch me. it was very nice, VERY nice to have Him there and for some reason we ended up at my old college and were driving up the Oval that is surrounded by the girls dorms. anyway, we parked on the Oval and the passenger was starting to get out as a student was rushing over to us with one of the old dorm directors (long since fired) who had shrunk or turned into a midget and was telling us to get off of the Oval. all the while i had repositioned myself some odd kind of way because Emperor kept rubbing my bottom like He was getting ready to spank me but wanted to find the right spot. i woke up and was highly confused but glad i couldn't go back to sleep either. i wasn't eating anything odd before bed so i'll have to say it's all hormonal but damn it was odd.
okay i'm done for now, i'll probably be back later.
red
| Your Elf Name Is... |
 |
| You Are a White Christmas Tree |
 You like to fill your holidays with beautiful designs and classy decorations. When it comes to Christmas, you always expect (and provide) the best. |
| You Are Socks! |
 Cozy and warm... but easily lost. You make a good puppet. |
| Your Christmas Stocking Will Be Filled With Little Wrapped Presents |
 You've made Santa a very happy fellow this year. Don't worry - what happens at the North Pole stays at the North Pole! |
The Wooden Hairbrush - Some spankings can be
fun, but for you, all have some element of
punishment. The hard implement impacting
against your soft bottom reminds you of your
place in this world and in your relationship.
Your river of submission runs deep. It will
probably never dry up completely. You take
your spankings because they help to define who
you are.
Which Spanking Implement Best Suits You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Labels: dreams, life is good, quizzes
.:Saturday, December 10, 2005:.
-horrible dream (or my future?) & some other stuff-i was woken up out of a sound sleep last night because i was in horrible pain. my stomach was cramping in the worst way but i knew it would pass if i could wait it out. this has happened enough to know the general procedure if that makes sense. as i went back to sleep i was hoping to fall asleep quickly because i had tons of things to do today. well i fell asleep quickly and i'm almost sad i did. the first thing i remember from the dream i haven't been able to shake all day is being in a home that wasn't mine. and not mine in the sense that it's not the one i am living in now but it wasn't my place. i knew the house well but it clearly wasn't MY home. there was a woman that was ill in the house. i hadn't seen her but i knew of her and people close to her where there. it felt as though she was dying but no one would say it outloud. people looked at me, some quietly smiling others seeming somewhat hostile but most indifferent to my presence. a small boy ran up to me and asked to be picked up. he looked oddly familiar but it was clear as well that he wasn't my son. he asked where i had been and where his daddy was and before i could do more than smile that he was holding my face, Emperor appeared and said, "Daddy is here son. Climb off of red and go check on mommy and grandma." he said okay and tore up a staircase. Emperor grabbed my lower back and guided me into a study. He closed the door behind us and yanked my skirt up on my hips. His hand focused on my throat then and begin squeezing tighter as He let His fingers probe my pussy for a while. He let go and before i could take a deep breath, He flung me over the desk, tore open a condom and put it on before He began pummeling my pussy with His dick. "Do not make a sound or I will make you scream later," came rushing over to my ears as He grabbed my hair and just kept pulling my neck back towards Him. "you know I hate waiting for you to get here and you know I need you here with me more often than not. he needs you and I need you and no matter how much she may dislike the knowledge of your existence if you weren't here there would be a world of other issues. when I'm done take five minutes and clean yourself up in My washroom then join us in the bedroom." He growled and then bit into my shoulder. His fingers roughly tugged on my nipples and then as if nothing was happening to make this anything but a normal fuck between us, He unleashed a torrent of nut into the plastic, withdrew from me and removed the condom before walking out. okay i know you are wondering what's the big deal but really i'm in a house getting fucked by my Dom when the mother of His child is upstairs dying. that ain't quite standard on the hit parade.
i did as He asked and was surprised to see everything i needed in the small washroom attached to His study. when i got to the bedroom, He had not made it yet or was off doing something else. the woman in bed was clearly dying. her mother was with her and trying to not cry. the little boy was aware mommy was ill but was too young to understand what was really happening. Emperor came in and moved over to the woman who i am assuming to be His wife. His son was excited to see me again and began telling me about what he had been doing since i saw him last and asking me a litany of questions about what i was going to do that day. my mouth seemed on autopilot as i told him that i would be there with him for the rest of the day and maybe that night too. Emperor seemed relieved and the woman tried to smile at me but it was clear she knew who i was to Emperor and while she was grateful someone was taking care of her child she was much less grateful that someone was taking care of her husband. i took His son to another room to color and play and tried to make sense of the situation even though it was apparent i had been doing this for quite a while. i rocked the boy to sleep eventually and was nodding off myself when Emperor came to get me. for a moment it seemed like He was just waking me so that we could go to bed but then it all returned to me that it wasn't my house and He wasn't mine in the largest sense of the word. we put His son in his crib and stood as Emperor stroked my hair and i let my head rest on His shoulder. i woke up then quite confused. part of this of couse plays into my fears that He is going to decide soon that His affection lies elsewhere but to have that so greatly mapped out just seems odd. i had appointments all day so i wasn't able to even sit down and process that. i doubt i will tell Him about this because i am sure it will be just entirely too awkward. oh well that is it for the dream.
in general life is good. i am happily looking forward to my birthday and starting life as a former 20 year old. i enjoy what is good in my life and appreciate that what is bad is there because it has to be for the moment. i appreciate all the faces of submission that the subverse has allowed me to see as i search for my own place in it. i appreciate that men other than Emperor make a point to tell me i am attractive and desirable. i appreciate my accumulated sisters for the strength they give me when i need it most and for the giggles they let me provide for them when they need it most. pray for those you know that need it (if you pray that is) and ask for blessings for those that you find near and dear to your heart so that they may remain there as long as they can. i think there was some other stuff i wanted to talk about but i'm sleepy so i don't remember lol. bye bye for now
red
ETA: i remember what i meant to add before. dreams like this fall into my prophetic dream category. as abnormal and unexpected as the dreams are they tap into something i am not supposed to be privy to at the moment. that He might leave and realize later that He needed me is so not beyond the realm of possibility. it's happened with nearly everyone else i've dated so again that wouldn't surprise me. that i would allow Him to use me in such a manner isn't without merit either. taking care of Him and a little Him would give me immense pleasure. every now and then i might even forget that i was intruding on that woman's life with Him because i was too weak to do otherwise (and i have to say it would just be a weakness for me, maintaining and loving Him despite the barriers wouldn't work for me because i am too impatient and too demanding to handle it. i would have to be intruding on her life because i couldn't take the bits of him. i can respect all that do and can handle that and i think two folks in particular are lucky to have found one another lol but i am entirely too selfish in a way and would just as well mess her life up as my own)1. that it would have to be an incredibly extreme situation for Him to consider cheating on His wife is very much the case. Him caring about me wouldn't be enough and not because He is just so noble the thought wouldn't cross His mind. He has His reasons and i just don't dwell on it because He hasn't proposed to me lol.
all of that made me think about my life in a strange way. who am i really? i mean i know what i do and how i help when i help people. i know that i hate being up in the mornings and i go from having no sex drive whatsoever to hypersexual for days and weeks on end. i know that i love to read and that i try to do good for others when possible. i know that i miss my father and while i complain about her i love my mother as well. but what does all of that make me? i am this accumulation of things and traits but none of them tap into this vein that runs through me that allows me to even consider that dream as my potential future. i am a submissive woman. i love serving and trying to please Emperor. without this component of myself none of the other accumulated things will ever be as important to me again. i need it and i want it and yes it makes me happy. so i will keep plodding along in all of this and hope it all makes sense soon.
toodles~red
Labels: dreams, life not good
.:Tuesday, November 22, 2005:.
-eureka, epiphanies and by george i think she's got it-okay i know i've been tangential with the posts lately so this one should come as no surprise to you lol. i have spent the last few days bemoaning my plight as an oft neglected diligent pet. i bothered sidra for at least an hour discussing that i must be the prep girl for every man i know. meaning i get them ready to run off and be blissfully happy with someone else. i have even hypothesized as to why that might be (i had to be a philandering whore of a man in my most recent life and i am making up for that now by being the one they leave or maybe i didn't know how to commit and left people scarred so i'm dealing with my own perpetual loneliness now). as of this morning i have to make that resounding what the fuck ever. i may have been a whore in a past life, but i was happy and good at it lol if that was the case. and i may not have been able to commit because hell i'm not that good at it now. but really the underlying source of all current trauma, besides the insecurities, is a prior D/s trauma. i know you are all wondering what on earth i'm talking about but please let me explain ROFLMAO.
i had the most amazing dream last night. i wasn't the prep girl as someone pointed out skillfully to me then. i was in need of repair and that was why He walked into my life. He may need a bit of tweaking too but ultimately my lesson to be learned was to trust someone that i surrendered to and not have that tossed back in my face at a later date. i know you are still probably scratching your heads because i have repeatedly stated i'm new to all of this and i am save one glaring omission that i had blocked from my memory until last night's dream. when i was fifteen i met a man that i just knew would be my husband, and had he not twisted me inside out he very well may have been, and proceeded to date him till just shy of my twentieth birthday. over the course of our time together he got progressively more mentally and emotionally abusive until i finally got physically ill at the thought of him touching me. i coudln't leave though because i was his and his alone and to think otherwise would just lead to more upheaval and unrest.
he wanted my complete surrender to him which i happily gave which he exploited every way he possibly could until as i said before the thought of his touch made me ill. i left him and led a blissfully adventurous life. no serious commitments, tons of ridiculously fantastic sex and loneliness only if i gave breath to the word. did i love during that time? of course but because i wasn't loving with all of me, some had to stay hidden out of protection, it didn't work out and led me to take that much needed hiatus in 2001 which i didn't officially leave until late 2004. three years gave me time to reconnect to most of me but Emperor threw that dormant switch and reignited that submissive part of me. my resistance to Him when there has been any and my fear caused by His periods of "neglect" (more like time to do what He needs to without me hovering) are based on my latent belief that He will treat me much as the first one did and cause me unknown pain. nevermind that Emperor knows full well how damaging that could be or that unlike the first one while He possess a sadistic streak He relegates that to play time and doesn't bring it out in our daily interactions. the fear was there and ruling all that i perceived on one hand which was unfair to Him. so Emperor i truly apologize for that piece of my behavior because yeah it damaged things unnecessarily.
don't get me wrong there are still points that we still don't see eye to eye on and probably never will. there are things i can learn to accept and things i'm sure He will learn to accept about me. but even if none of that never comes to be the way either of us wants it to be it was good to have that discussion last night and doubly wonderful to have that dream. i blocked him because it wasn't time to remember that and now that i have i can do and be better than i have been. so yeah for special dreams lol. and i'm including this picture below because all of this made me think of that photo, you know that whole slogan--knowing is half the battle lol.
You are a Fire Queen. You are a Brave warroir and
you know how to fight for yourselve and your
kingdom. Your kingdom is very strong and
wealthy. You might get in some wars but mostly
you win and you fear nothing!
What kind of Queen are you? ( With BEAUTIFULL pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla
Your French name is
~Congele~
which means 'frozen'.
People like to call you antisocial and mean, but
you really just like to be alone. Although they
don't realize that, just like everybody else,
all you want is to be accepted. But since no
one sees this, you like the company of you and
you alone.
What is your French name?
brought to you by Quizilla
Your beauty lies in your soul.
There are so many unlike you in this world. You're
like a very rare diamond. No, diamonds can't
shine as much your soul.
Your motive:
To help others in need and maintain happiness
withen others around you.
Your quote:
If you fall either I fall with you or I'll catch
you pull you back up.
Your colors:
Silver and Gold
Your song:
Wings of a Butterfly - HIM
"Come on and show them your love. Rip out the
wings of a butterfly."
Please rate and message.
Where do You Find Your Beauty? (Gorgeous Pictures and Touching Results)
brought to you by Quizilla
You're crazy! YAY!
Now, if the world had more people like you, we'd be
cultivating chocolate and the ozone would be a
thing of the past.
^_^ Have a nice day.
Insanity Test
brought to you by Quizilla
.:Sunday, November 13, 2005:.
-what dreams may come-okay there was a technical difficulty so i have to restart this post. anyway i told you all that i had a great day yesterday. i went to the dark connections chat last night and had a good conversation. figuring i should continue to ride out my high and i called Emperor up so i could go to sleep full of lust for my Dom. He did not disappoint and reminded me again why i am so hooked on Him. i was ready to wind down but for some reason i couldn't fall asleep to really late. after a much needed apparently self-induced orgasm thanks to the lovely ms. carmen hayes and her play buddy. thankfully there were no late night calls to wake me up.
moving on. i've always dreamt a lot but lately it's been on overdrive. last night/this morning whatever i dreamt about one of Emperor's friends that to my knowledge is not remotely involved in bdsm at all. for the sake of clarity i'll call the friend Vicomte so the he's and his's don't get confusing. Vicomte was heavily involved in bdsm in the dream. Vicomte knew about Emperor and i but as Emperor isn't prone to share with just anyone Vicomte had never played with us. Vicomte was also known outside of the bdsm world fairly well. not sure if he was famous or just a sought after batchelor but Vicomte was in demand. word leaked out that Vicomte's apartment had been opened for him by his servants but that Vicomte would be delayed for some reason. it appeared to be an open invitiation to women throughout the city that sneaked into his place to look around. two of my vanilla girlfriends wanted to check it out so i got drug along not fully understanding who we were going to see. as soon as i realized it was Vicomte's place i begged to leave but they were determined. we ran into a woman that had posed for Vicomte's photography studio but was wandering around the place as if she had never been invited up as well. after we went upstairs i convinced them it was time to leave before Vicomte got home and had us all arrested. i went home and with a sigh of relief thought i had gotten away with all of it. the call i received from Emperor and Vicomte told me otherwise.
turns out Vicomte knew women would swarm the apartment and had stayed away on purpose. he decided that whomever he saw on the tape that he wanted to play with would be subject to his punishment or prosecution. since 99 percent of the women there would kill to spend time with Vicomte he wasn't really worried about prosecuting anyone. when Vicomte saw me on tape however he alerted Emperor that told Vicomte whatever punishment seemed appropriate Emperor would help carry out. i was told to be at Vicomte's place quickly and to follow instructions explicitly. Emperor would join us later in the evening when he was through with some other business. i got there and was told to shower and change. when i was ready i was led out to where another woman was kneeling. the other woman to be receiving punishment that evening was a porn star named Kitten that i admit to finding very attractive but who looked more like this in the dream.
anyway, i took my place next to her and then Vicomte entered the room and sat on a large oversized sofa in front of us. Vicomte spoke carefully and with a deep measured voice. He told us that we had both been caught on tape and if we followed his instructions, especially me, that we might enjoy our evening and wouldn't be subject to any other reprecussions. Vicomte had both of us stand and then lay over his lap so that our behinds were over his lap but that he could only hit her backside as we were facing each other. being between his resolute hardness and her total and complete softness was making me horny. she ws slightly taller than me so my lips kept brushing against her neck or breasts depending on where i tried to place my head. Vicomte told us to entertain him but not to move from his lap. her fingers found my pussy quickly and were deep inside me before i could object. i woudln't have but even if i wanted to there was no time. we kissed quickly before i started sucking on her overly ample tits. we both got more into one another and louder and then i heard Emperor's voice booming down the hallway. "Ahh i knew you were going to make Me proud my little slut." He had been watching the whole thing from upstairs and once i had crossed whatever threshold point He was seeking He came downstairs so He could see me perform for Him.
i was only momentarily thrown off of a rhythm and flooded her hand with my orgasm. i licked her fingers clean and refastened my lips to her nipples and then began finger fucking her. Vicomte and Emperor watched us intently and let her orgasm before they initially seperated us. Vicomte grabbed my hair and made me take all of him down my throat while i saw Emperor do the same to Kitten. our transgression gave them the license to do what i'm sure they had wanted to do but weren't sure how to arrange as they very rarely played together. before either of them could nut they tossed us to the other one. Emperor bound my arms above my head and hooked them to a leash that He handed to Vicomte. Vicomte tugged very hard and made me feel like i was being stretched on a rack. Vicomte hooked Kitten's ankles to a spreader and then shoved it underneath me until her pussy was above my mouth. then Vicomte pulled her towards him and shoved his dick in her mouth never letting go of his grasp on my leash. Emperor flogged my stomach, legs and pussy until He had enough. He entered me roughly and after propping me up slightly told me to fuck Him. my brain thought for a second how i would make that happen as it felt like Vicomte was trying to pull me off Emperor's dick but i hooked my legs around Emperor's and as AI would say, i played through the pain. Emperor was harder than i ever remember and trying to not orgasm around Him on each thrust was taking all of my free energy. Kitten was grinding her pussy on my tongue so my moans were lost inside of her and Vicomte was yanking like i was on a Yo-Yo string.
i was on sensory overload and only fear of a more detailed and lengthy flogging kept my body in check. when Emperor growled at me that He wanted to feel me explode around Him i almost yelped in excitement. my tongue snaked around inside her trying to push her over the edge with me which in turn made her incredibly long tongue work overtime on Vicomte. the giant nerve ended we had become fired and left Vicomte's floor covered in a mixture of fluids. i thought i had survived the punishment but i was incorrect. Emperor briefly uncuffed me before cuffing my arms behind my back before he again gave the leash to Vicomte who would now be behind me. i was also attached to the spreader and felt bad for Kitten who was now being leashed to Emperor whom i knew to be slightly more sadistic than Vicomte and who would likely almost dislocate her shoulder before was over. we assumed the same configuration just of course in a different order. i was given permission to cum at will and did often because as i mentioned she has a super long tongue. it took them much longer to cum this time and i felt like my jaw was going to explode from exhaustion. Emperor grabbed my hair which always makes me open wider and proceeded to fuck my face essentially. the excitement of it threw me over the edge again. the site of my cum dripping out of her mouth must have made Vicomte loose it because he began to piston in and out of her at an alarming speed. Vicomte pulled my leash so hard that he almost pulled me away from Emperor entirely. Emperor grabbed me and pulled me back towards Him which had me in a most uncomfortable position. Vicomte unleashed himself deep inside of Kitten and her juices mixed with his as she came. Emperor told me He was about to cum and told me that not a single drop better hit the ground. i had a firm enough grip on Him that i wasn't too worried. as He was almost done Vicomte tugged and i panicked because i felt some of Emperor drip down my lip before i could catch it. thankfully Kitten was thinking and caught that drop on her face. i licked it off of her to both of our tormentors delight. they unchained me and Kitten went to kneeel next to Vicomte again. she lowered her eyes and nearly whispered "Master, may we keep her?" to Vicomte. Vicomte replied no that i belonged with the man who was stroking my face but now that they knew we could play together they would arrange it more often. Emperor agreed and was happy that we both liked one another. "I haven't seen pet cum that hard for anyone but Me so she must like your tongue little slut." we both blushed then but i know i had to look somewhat confused.
Vicomte explained that yes there was a tape but he had seen me in the parking garage as i left and assumed i'd be there but never saw me on tape. He called Emperor who told Vicomte that if i had done something wrong my guilty conscience would have me there. from that point on Vicomte was free to start the festivities however he saw fit and Emperor would join us after i responded to Kitten in some way. had i seemed less than responsive He would have come in and tied me to the rack in the basement. He was glad that i had though. watching the two of us had made Him very happy. He kissed me and lay my head in His lap and allowed me to take Him back down my throat (i really am a bit of an oral slut). Kitten came back over and was stroking me when Vicomte joined her and started fucking her again. i woke up strangely happy and beyond wet. i had to get this all out before i went and took care of that but my dreams are gonna need to stop being this explicit or really i'll be in a world of trouble.
switching gears entirely, and this has to be brief cause recounting that dream has overly stimulated my brain. i'm not sure how many folks reading this blog like george michael but his kissing a fool song has been on my mind to discuss. Emperor likes the song but there is one stanza that catches me everytime and makes me think 1) of Him and 2) of the lifestyle. i have been meaning to discuss it for days but here it goes.
But remember this,
Every other kiss,
That you ever give
Long as we both live
When you need the hand of another man,
One you really can surrender with,
I will wait for you,
Like I always do,
There's something there,
That can't compare with any other,
of course the surrender caught my eye bt it's really the i'll wait for you cause nothing else can compare to this emotion that keeps me rewinding it in the car. if anything else on earth felt quite like bdsm without all the drama and now potential legal action lol i think more of us would reach for that. but since it doesn't and can't, we'll wait on the person we can surrender to or the person that will surrender to us. ahhh it is SUCH a wonderful feeling and when it clicks for you it IS a feeling that won't compare to anything else and you'll wait for it to come back to you as many times as you need to. ahh feeling sappy to match the horny ROFLMAO. oh well i have blathered on enough. excuse all of this typing.
love ya
red
finally done 2 hours after i started lol
.:Thursday, November 03, 2005:.
-i watch entirely too much tv-well i do periodically watch way too much tv. but the strange thing is i hardly ever pay attention to what is on. i have it on as a distraction more than anything else. some white noise to filter through the quiet that is my home in the evening. i was enjoying a second night of self-imposed solitude and again slept through my alarm. i had an interesting dream but i'll get to that later. i woke up this morning and i had apparently left the tv on a non-cartoon channel because duets was on. now i've never seen this movie at all so watching the few moments of random people belting out songs was cute. i caught it as andre braugher was doing his duet. i really only watched because of him i love andre braugher. anyway, he was singing try a little tenderness by otis redding and while i love the song i think i was receptive to it in a new way this morning. the lyrics are below in case anyone wants to see them.
i'm quite positive my brain was open for two reasons. the first being i'm in a funk. in a funk the most simple and mundane things for me can create a smile. one of those internal soul smiles that radiates out into the rest of me and makes everything feel good. i got that as andre and his duet buddy paul giamatti were having a grand old time with otis's song. it felt like the rest of the tension that had been climbing up into my brain just melted off of me. i finished getting dressed and left the house slightly disappointed i wouldn't be able to see what else befell the songsters. the other reason why my brain was open was because i dreamed a strange but happy dream this morning.
i know it was this morning because i was shaking it off as i woke up to voices from the movie. anyway, i was back with my parents somewhere getting ready to tear down our old house and helping them do the same to an old school it appeared. which really wouldn't be an issue but my father has been deceased nearly five years and the last house we all lived in was when i was eight but i digress. i was packing up my old room and dolls and putting them in the car that i think i was sharing with my boyfriend but he didn't materialize till much later in the dream. my brother and i was giggling and laughing as we ran through old rooms and then crying as we packed away things that would never be seen again in that setting. there were tons of family members around, also odd, and with the exception of a few squabbles about how much should be loaded and taken to the dump all was well there. we went into the high school and some hoodlums were being chased around. me and the small group i was with ran up some side stairs to handle some boxes there and then to leave. the person leading me, my assumed boyfriend, took a box out to the car as some random folks confronted me and the group because we had allegedly gotten some of their friends in trouble by pointing to where they ran off to. this young man was very angry and beligerant and i said something i thought that might calm him down but it didn't. just then the "boyfriend" reappears and it's Emperor. He's dressed very down for Him and greets the young man and whatever the issue was evaporated. they helped us get the last few things out of the room we were in and then the scene switched. it was later at a reception or dedication.
we had driven away from the house and the school and were now at one of the chi chi hotels Emperor likes. we were at a reception of some sort and several of my friends were there as well as people Emperor and i know in common that 1) had no reason to be there and 2) don't know we are together because well we don't like to overshare. it stirs up drama unnecessarily but again i'm off tangent here. i was dressed in a long black gown, a small diamond was cut out of the top of the dress above my cleavage and the dress had a dangerously high split on one side. i was wearing these 3.5 inch heels i saw online the other day lol and my head was covered in curls per Emperor's request. i was staring at Him across the room and standing with girlfriends and some non friends who were also looking at Him. as one said she was convinced He wanted her and that she felt bad for Him because He just would never be what she wanted i damn near spit out the champagne i had been sipping on. i tried to stifle the giggle but she thought i was agreeing with her so she continued. Her--He really needs a good woman in His life, one that will keep Him focused but who in their right mind would get involved with Him as He has soooooo much baggage. me--is that right? well maybe i'll take Him on pro-bono and then when i have Him all fixed, i can send Him your way. everyone laughed again and i excused myself. He saw me leaving and followed me out of the room. when we were a safe distance away from the room i started literally dragging Him to a bar so we could sit and talk. i told Him about the exchange because it was funny and well we tell each other everything in situations like that. He started eating some tiramisu and i was wondering if He was bored, distracted or disappointed in something i had said. i asked Him as such and He shook His head no. Him--as a matter of fact pet, this whole span of time you have been nothing but a perfect dream and as soon as we get upstairs i plan on properly collaring you. can't have you out and about getting lost and forgetting where home is. to say i had a stupefied look on my face in said dream would be an understatment. i was dumbfounded and then did the most horrific of things: i squealed in delight. He stopped and stared at me for a brief second and then giggled, no guffawed at me. He was leading me back up to the bank of rooms we were sharing, my room and His room adjoined so as to once again keep folks out of our business as it were, when i woke up.
i'm not taking it as anything more than a dream at this point. it was funny and bizarre and while i would love for Him to have met my father that won't be happening. i have blathered on again but i'm feeling better for real. and i can't ask for anything more than that right now.
peace
red
Try A Little Tenderness
Otis Redding
oh she may be weary
them young girls they do get wearied
wearing that same old miniskirt dress
but when she gets weary
you try a little tenderness
oh man that
un hunh
i know shes waiting
just anticipating
the thing that youl never never possess
no no no
but while she there waiting
try just a little bit of tenderness
thats all you got to do
now it might be a little bit sentimental no
but she has her greavs and care
but the soft words they are spoke so gentle
yeah yeah yeah
and it makes it easier to bear
oh she wont regret it
no no
them young girls they dont forget it
love is their whole happiness
yeah yeha yeah
but its all so easy
all you got to do is try
try a little tenderness
yeah
damn that hart (hard?)
all you got to do is know how to love her
you've got to
hold her
squeeze her
never leave her
now get to her
got got got to try a little tenderness
yeah yeah
lord have mercy now
all you got to do is take my advice
you've got to hold her
don't squeeze her
never leave her
you've got to hold her
and never
so you got to try a little tenderness
a little tenderness
a little tenderness
a little tenderness
you've got to
got to got to
you've gotta hold her
don't squeeze her
never leaver her
you got
got got got to
now now now
got got got to
try a little tenderness
ye
Labels: dreams, introspective
.:Tuesday, September 27, 2005:.
-sweet dreams are made of these-okay so i went to bed late last night as you already know. He met me there again. i can't recall all of this one now, i should have written this morning, but He's been there a lot lately. i just remember feeling very safe with Him and happy that He had chosen me. before our last communication breakdown He visited me in my dream. i was on my knees in the house waiting as He came through the door. He stroked my head and unzipped His pants. i quickly engulfed Him with my mouth and sucked gently until He made me stop. i stood up and helped Him off with His coat as He went to sit in an arm chair. i brought Him the mail and a drink before dropping to my knees again and helping Him take off His shoes. He tugged on my collar and pulled me toward His erection which i happily took in my mouth again. we stayed that way for a short while until He unloaded down my throat. i stood up and grabbed dinner from the oven. i served us both and we sat down and had a pretty basic discussion over the meal. as i put the last dish in the dishwasher He told me to meet in our playroom. i undressed and slipped on the higher heels He liked me to wear at home. i took His toy bag from the closet and hooked my collar to the heavy chain in the center of the room. i knelt and waited for Him to enter. as He came around the corner i handed Him a riding crop and heard it whooshing through the air before my alarm went off and woke me up. ahh well it was nice while it lasted.
red velvet
Labels: dreams
.:Tuesday, August 16, 2005:.
-Dream lover come rescue me-Okay yeah that was hella corny but i've been having the most vivid dreams about Emperor lately. They are all plausible situations except last night. Last night i dreamt we were snuggling and i was happy. It was the most bizarre thing. Not because we were in bed together or that i was happy. The snuggling thing though, well that's just random. i don't recall discussing it with him specifically but snuggling aint on my list of things to do. i think maybe it was just my overactive imagination wanting to be with Him again. i don't have a lot else to say right now. if anyone out there knows my Emperor, let Him know He's very special to me and i really do miss Him terribly.
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Name::red velvet
From::Pleasure, Pain, United States
Yes i really AM a Black woman. i am a masochistic submissive who will perpetually find herself in service to a sadistic Dom. He makes all of this make sense. Because of the experiences i've had, i'm quite positive that when and if i marry it will be to someone that is my Dom/Daddy/Master whatever you want to call it. That may not be anytime soon but 24/7 is what i'm looking for in the future.
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